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Special O.J. Simpson Issue (Maddirator)
(topical, chuckle)

For those not up on American Celebrity Watching, O.J. Simpson is a
football (U.S.) Hall-of-Famer also known for doing Hertz rent-a-car
ads where he runs through airports.

Recently, O.J.'s ex-wife and a male friend of hers were brutally
murdered, and more and more reports appeared that O.J. might be
tied to the crime.  On Friday night, O.J. left a friend's house 
(where he was supposed to turn himself in to police) and led a
phalanx of squad cars on a 50-mile drive from Orange County back
to his house in L.A.  This chase was covered live by TV helicopters.
He was finally arrested in his driveway.

Subject: No way O.J.
From: (Terry Fotre)
Keywords: original

"Police investigating the murder of O.J. Simpson's wife and another man
stated there was about 45 minutes between the time of the murders and 
the departure of Mr. Simpson's plane for Chicago."

Now I know why O.J. did all those Hertz commercials...practice.
Subject: Why O.J. Simpson must be innocent
From: (Mark Wutka)

O.J. Simpson CANNOT be guilty for the murders he was charged with, since the
two victims were stabbed to death.  After all, everyone knows that
Buffalo Bills ALWAYS choke!

Subject: Highway Reversal
From: (Reid Barlow Melville)
Keywords: original

I was surprised Friday to come home, turn on my TV, and see a civilian car
going 50 mph on the freeway with a pack of police cars following, afraid
to pass!

Subject: O.J.'s new sponsor
From: (Ken MacFarlane)

Heard on one of the New York City radio stations (sorry, forgot which one):

"I tried to watch the Knicks game last night, but all I kept seeing were
 those Ford Bronco commercials."

Subject: NewsChopper Play-by-Play
From: (Reid Barlow Melville)
Keywords: Original

Original, from a friend:

"Well, there's not much time left, they have to make a big play soon ..."
"Movement in the backfield,  it's O.J.!  What a move. He breaks away from a 
pack of defenders, he's going 40, 50.  He just might make it."
"He cuts to the 91 . . . now streaks down the 405.  They can't catch him!"
"Looks like he's going to make it, and ...  ooohh .... they bring him down in
the driveway, just short."
"What a play, one we'll all remember, one for the record books, O.J.s longest
run from skirmish."


Did you hear about the new drink called "The Simpson"?

OJ, a couple of slices, and a chaser

Subject: Hertz, redux
From: (Brian McClendon)
Keywords: Original

According to the San Jose Mercury News this morning, the
timeline for murder of Nicole Simpson and her friend was:

6:00pm	 O.J. Simpson and his ex-wife, Nicole Simpson, leave a dance
	 recital for their daughter in West L.A.

6:30pm   Nicole Simpson and 9 others (excluding OJ) eat dinner
	 at Mezzaluna Restuarant in Brentwood, a few blocks from
	 Nicole's condominium.  Among the waiters was Ronald Lyle
	 Goldman, but he didn't server Nicole's party.

8:30pm   Nicole leaves the restaurant, later she calls back noting
	 that she left her glasses there.  Ronald volunteers to
	 taken them to her.

9:45pm   Goldman leaves for Nicole Simpson's house.

11pm     Approximate time of death

11:45pm  O.J. Simpson takes American Airlines flight 668 bound for Chicago.

If O.J. is guilty, then I'm sure someone must have noticed him running
through the airport.

Subject: O.J. Simpson - irrefutable evidence
From: (Stephen Bruce)

Following is evidence that O.J. is not the killer:

   They only found one glove - Michael Jackson actually did it.

   If he murdered, it would Hertz his advertising career.

   The juice was capable of putting the squeeze on his ex-wife, but 
   never beating the pulp out of her.

   It is proven that murderers have little ability to think, but everyone 
   has seen O.J. concentrate.

   The pattern of stab wounds is irrefutable - any football fan knows 
   that O.J. could never cut to the left.

Subject: Tasty Bar Drink
From: (Bartolett Gregory)

I heard this joke on the "Don & Mike National Radio Show" on WJFK
in Washington, DC.

Order a Bloody Screwdriver the next time you're at a sports bar.

It's O.J. mixed with bitters, and a sliced tomato.

Subject: Dig this!
From: (Sverdrup)

The news claimed today that the weapon in the Nicole Simpson
murder was a US Marine trenching tool.

"Oh, great," I thought, "now Clinton's going to impose a
ban on military-style assault shovels!"

Subject: Now we now what "OJ" stands for...
From: (Rory Toma - 2nd Floor DSE)
Keywords: Original

What does OJ stand for?

Open Jugular

Subject: New Hertz Ad
From: (Craig Steinberger)

While watching the (currently ongoing) drama of O.J. Simpson running
away from the police on CNN, I thought it would be neat if they cut to
a commercial:

This special news coverage is brought to you by Hertz. The next time you
need to make a getaway, Hertz is the one.....

I wonder if they will let OJ do the endorsement from jail.
From: (Kevin Wang aka The Scarecrow)

Simpson killed his wife because she refused to have OJ for breakfast.


(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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