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Airport ticket agent terminology

nick@heimdall.med.harvard.edu (Nick Beeson)
(chuckle)

This was given to me by an Continetal airline gate attendant 
at Newark International Airport.  We had been standing around 
chatting for a couple of hours while a plane was flown in to
take me on a MUCH delayed flight.  

	This was on-line, on his computer at the counter at 
the gate.  After he read it to me I expressed a wish that I
could have a printout.  Lo-and-behold he had a dot matrix
printer under the counter and made a printout for me on the
spot.

	I suspect that this is quite old since the printout
was all upper case, and did not have quotes, parenthesis, or 
apostrophes.

	Nick Beeson


CO DATA PAGE      TERMINOLOGY       CAT:BTN SUB:DES PGE:TRM

As you are all aware, the airlinr industry in which we work 
has it's own unique set of terminology.  The following are 
some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions.


PASSENGER -
	A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually
	found in pairs or small groups.  Often will become
	vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified 
        situations.  When frightened or confused these creatures 
	collect into a group called a "line."  This "line" has
	no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient
	places.  Passengers are of four known species:
	Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus
	ignoramus.

PRE-BOARD -
	Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before 
	departure.

VOLUNTARY OVERSALE -
	A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is 
	coming off the flight.

NO-RECORD - 
	Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

NON-REVENUE POSITION - 
	Usually can be identified by the fact that these 
        passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or 
	flight attendant uniforms.  Non-revenue position are
	permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent
	revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
	passenger charges.

GROUP -
	A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling 
        together.  The group leader, who has the tickets,
	usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board
	time of five minutes before departure, or until there
	are no seats left together, whichever occurs last.
	Reservation agents are prohibited form pre-assigning 
	seats to groups as this may convenience them.

SIGN -
	An airport decoration.  Usually unnoticed except by 
	small children.  Its primary function is to hide the 
	location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate 
	numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.
	
POSITION CLOSED -
	This is a sign posted at various counter locations, 
	which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form
	line here."

BAGGAGE CLAIM -
	The most difficult area of the airport to find.  It 
	is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage 
	Claim Area."

CARRY ON BAG -
	An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow
	managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the 
        inbound flight.  Regardless of what the passenger says
	the following are not acceptable as carry-on items:
	bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires,
	or wide screen projection TVs.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE -
	An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON-TIME -
	An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG -
	A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs 
	around an airport while the surrounding areas are
	clear.  Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used
	to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL -
	A game played by airline pilots and air traffic 
        controllers.  The game has no rules, and neither side 
	knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent
	flights from arriving in time for passengers to make 
	connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT -
	A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding
	ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities
	of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and
	and the tact of a diplomat.  They have mysterious abilities 
        to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather 
        phenomenon.  They are capable of answering three
	questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and 
	without stuttering or choking on their tongue.  In later 
        life they parks carrying on mysterious conversations
	with themselves.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)


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