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The butcher and the dog (Nigel M Burnett)

I heard this at a folk festival in Orkney this summer.  Try to read it
in a Scots accent - that's the way it was spoken.

A butcher is leaning on the counter towards the close of day when a
wee dog wi' a basket in its jaws comes pushin' through the door.
"An' wot's this then?", he asked.  The dog knocks the basket sharply
into the butcher's shins.  "You li'tle bugger."  As he reaches down
to smack the dog, he notices a note and a tenner in the basket.
[A tenner is ten pounds sterling - about Cdn$20]

The scribble on the note asks for 3 pounds of his best mince [ground
beef].  The butcher figures this is too easy.  He goes to the window
and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The dog grrrrrrrs at him.  The butcher turns around and, glaring at
the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge.  Weighing out about
2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.  "Hmmmmm, a
bit shy.  Who'll know?".  Again the dog growls menacingly.  "All right,
all right", as he throws on a generous half pound.  He wraps it out,
drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a fiver.  The dog
threatens to chew him off at the ankles.  Another fiver goes in the

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup
home.  The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift
button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th
floor.  The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket
on the door.  The door opens, the dog's owner screams abuse at the
dog and then tries to kick the dog inside.  "Hey, what are you doing?
That's a really smart dog you've got there".  "Stoopid dog - that's
the third time this week he's forgotten his key.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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