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The "brightness" knob still doesn't work (Jack Morrison)
(original, smirk, tv)

Tonight on channel 4 (and, now that they've thought of it, coming soon
to the other networks):


With presentations in the following categories:

* Most airtime achieved with under two seconds of videotape

* Best coverage of fellow news cameramen

* Most inane comment by a reporter

* Most normal comment by a weatherperson

* Best creative use of totally indiscernable video

* Best use of under-15-second pointless "human interest" story 
  with teasers before each commercial break, totaling at least 
  5 minutes of air time.

Broadcast live in timezones where ratings wouldn't be higher if
tape delayed.

Then, stay tuned for the ultimate awards show! Yes, it's ...


Recognizing artistic achievement in the entertaining presentation of 
pointless awards. Some of the award categories:

* Best acceptance speech (in person)

* Best acceptance speech (prerecorded)

* Best acceptance speech (on behalf of the recipient)

* Best video effects during commercial breaks

* Best theme music adaptation to studio orchestra

* Best reading of cue cards (individual)

* Best reading of cue cards (group)

But don't go to sleep yet! We know you have no life! That's why we'll
have in-depth interviews with tonight's winners and losers on the
late news!

[Where do those TV announcers get all those exclamation marks 
 from, anyway?]

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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