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Dictionary of performance review terms.

david@shakala.com (David Pratt)
Shakala BBS (ClanZen Radio Network) Sunnyvale, CA +1-408-734-2289
(chuckle, work, heard it)

My wife brought this home. I added a few.

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE: 
        Not too bright. 
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: 
        Has committed no major blunders to date. 
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: 
        Drinks heavily. 
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: 
        Opinionated. 
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: 
        Still one step ahead of the law. 
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: 
        Will stick with us until retirement. 
QUICK THINKING: 
        Offers plausible excuses for errors. 
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: 
        Conceited. 
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: 
        Buys drinks for superiors. 
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: 
        Knows more than superiors. 
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: 
        A real jerk. 
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: 
        Knows when to keep mouth shut. 
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: 
        Finds someone else to do the job. 
A KEEN ANALYST: 
        Thoroughly confused. 
NOT A DESK PERSON: 
        Did not go to college. 
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: 
        Can string two sentences together. 
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: 
        Miserable home life. 
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: 
        Scared. 
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: 
        A nitpicker. 
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: 
        Has a loud voice. 
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: 
        Lucky. 
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: 
        A snob. 
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: 
        Knows lots of dirty jokes. 
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: 
        Stubborn. 
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: 
        A coward. 
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: 
        Stupid. 
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: 
        Turns in work on time. 
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: 
        Wanted by no-one else. 
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: 
        An office gossip. 
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: 
        Lazy and hard-headed. 
HARD WORKER: 
        Usually does it the hard way. 
ENJOYS JOB: 
        Needs more to do. 
HAPPY: 
        Paid too much. 
WELL ORGANIZED: 
        Does too much busywork. 
COMPETENT: 
        Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. 
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: 
        Pain in the ass. 
WILL GO FAR: 
        Relative of management. 
SHOULD GO FAR: 
        Please. 
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: 
        Clock watcher. 
VERY CREATIVE: 
        Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. 
USES RESOURSES WELL: 
        Delagates everything. 
DESERVES PROMOTION: 
        Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated. 
  


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