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(topical, smirk, original)

                                  Copyright 1993 by Byron Lanning


Disneyland-September 3 (PETER FUNK PRESS).

     Michael Eisner, chairman of Walt Disney Corporation,
continues his plans to stop Euro Disney's financial losses by
making the park more appealing to Europeans. Eisner has completed
the first phase of the plan and will begin the second phase next

     The first phase of his plan consisted of Euro Disney selling
liquor in the park and rescinding the order that required its
female employees to shave their armpits. In the second phase,
Euro Disney will not only offer liquor to its patrons but also
prostitution. This includes a plan to open another hotel in Euro
Disney's Frontierland. Eisner wants it modeled it after a 19th
century bordello of the American wild west and called Kitty's
Cathouse. In this hotel, Euro Disney patrons can have sex with
Disney cartoon characters. Eisner even promises the Disney
prostitutes will have hairy armpits, and in keeping with its the
park's family atmosphere, Disney will sell condoms in the hotel
lobby. Each condom will have a drawing of a Disney character on
it or a photograph of Michael Eisner. 

     If Kitty's Cathouse does well, Eisner may consider opening a
new attraction in Euro Disney called Sleazeland, which Heidi
Fleiss will manage when she gets out of jail.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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