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ntmtv! (Justine Ehlers)
(chuckle, original)

In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the weather--we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there), allow me to offer you:

The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering

What They Say    		What It Means 

spacious hole in the wall to anyone living in their car that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate

easy access to transportation Particularly in Mountain View and Sunnyvale, this can mean: (a) in the flight path of Moffet Field (b) next to the railroad tracks (c) next to a major road/freeway/highway (d) a&b, b&c, c&a above (e) all of the above

friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality

free utilities That's the only way we can entice people in this dump. Would you pay this high rent AND the water and garbage?

heated pool only when the sun's out only when there's water in it

workout room four walls, some free weights, a machine or two and a clunky stationary bike

great views reach out and touch your neighbor! overlooking the garbage dumpster overlooking the pool overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment

affordable to: (a) anyone with an income of $100 K (b) anyone with wealthy parents (c) anyone who is wealthy (d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing

"Please fill out our "What?! You didn't fill out the annual marketing survey." income? We can't show you anything until you fill that out. You won't? I'm sorry, but we can't show you anything."

pets welcome kids aren't we just never got the odor out

AEK All Electricity Kancelled EEk!

W/D Will be Disgusted Worried/Depressed people

AC Atrocious Carpeting

WWC Wall to Wall Crap

great rent bargains! located in East Palo Alto (Complex insurance does not cover bullet holes in car, self-protection devices, frequent theft and/or life insurance)

light and airy built as cheap as we could cold and drafty

secure parking the manager's apartment overlooks the parking lot "No one's been robbed on the street." covered parking

move in bonus! no one else wants it it hasn't been rented in six months includes last tenant's stuffed parrot

!!! desperation is directly linked to the number of "!"s used

rustic classic 60's decor nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta earthquake outhouse is in the back only one heating vent

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