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Missionary Position
(chuckle, true)

	This is a true story that happened to me only a few years ago...

	I'm a 3rd generation Cantonese-American and have pretty much
forgotten the language.  Hey, I wasn't even raised with it spoken in
my household, but I live in a predominantly Asian neighborhood anyway.
Well, Mormons, whom we all know and love(*cough*), have to save their
money during childhood so that they may go on missionary expeditions
when they hit seventeen years of age or so.  Some even become Urban
Mormons, where they trek to distant(?) parts of Suburbia, seeking
	So, one day, there was a knock at my door.  So upon answering,
Lo! And Behold!  Who should be standing there, but two young, aspiring
Jehovah's Witn-... I mean, Mormon Missionaries.  Both were Caucasian,
and one was holding a copy of Halston's Mandarin/English Dictionary.
The Mormon holding the dictionary greeted me in a foreign language,
presumably Mandarin, which I didn't understand.  However, I chose to
say nothing; I merely furrowed my brow and intensified my gaze.
Astute, as they were, the missionaries were quick to realize that I
had not comprehended a single word they said, so they squabbled:

	Missionary #1: I told you he wasn't Mandarin.
	Missionary #2: Apparently not.  He's probably wondering what
                       we're trying to say.
	Missionary #1: Maybe he's Vietnamese.
	Missionary #2: (Pulls out Vietnamese/English Dict.) Perhaps.
                       The Word of God was meant to reach all tongues.

	So the second Missionary repeated his greeting in Vietnamese.
I only shrugged my shoulders.  The other Mormon pulled out a Japanese
Dictionary, assuming that I might have been the same.  Again, I merely
shrugged, and we ran the same gauntlet for the Korean language.  I
had to admit, though, that I began to tire of this game.  Taking a
deep breath, I shouted,


	With that, I slammed the door in a grandoise fashion and
couldn't stop laughing for two hours afterward.

	T.S. Elliot(who wrote the book that Cats was based on) had a
more novel method of dealing with door-to-door missionaries.  One day,
some Jehovah's Witnesses showed up on his doorstep with a can and 
said, "Money for Jehovah?"  To which Elliot responded, "Great!  I'm
Jehovah!  How much have you gathered for me?"

	They left in a huff.

(Solomon Chang)

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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