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The Third Presidential Debate (Vasudev Murthy)
(topical, smirk)

Debate Parody IIIrd debate in East Lansing, MI

Moderator: Governor, how do you respond to charges that
you never returned that library book you borrowed
during the Cuban missile crisis from the Public

(Bush smirks)

Clinton: Well Jim, I agree that I was not forthright
about it when I should have been. I had honest
disagreements with the Library policy but I honor the
Librarians who served during that crisis and I love my
library. The important thing is that we need change in
this great country of ours and I believe I am the man
who can bring change.
Moderator: Mr. Bush?

Bush: Well, Mr. & Mrs. America, hold on to your
wallets! I have no problem with honest disagreements
about Library policies but there's this PATTERN. It was
a book almost thirty years. He couldn't remember the
incident, then he did but he didn't recall the book,
then it turns out it was Mother Goose and thousands of
young mothers were deprived from reading to their sick
and dying children. Now he says he's sorry.
Its this PATTERN! He waffles! Can you trust this man
to be your President? 


Moderator: Mr. Perot?

Perot: Its irrelevant. Look, we've got to get this
country back to its people. The dirty tricks department
investigated all my library records to dig some dirt
out about the books I've been borrowing. They don't
know how to run a business. What about the Glaspie

Bush: They're in the Library. Yeah its good with 35/35
hindsight when you want to cover your - uh - face but
we wanted to get Idi AMin, uh, SaDDam into the family
of nations with a dose of family values. I don;t like
it when the honor of this nation is questioned! Barbara
and I feel strongly about the honor of this nation.


Moderator: President Bush, what do you say about
breaking your no-new-taxes promise?

Bush: Look, at least I admitted it and I said I was
sorry, unlike some on this stage to my right. It was
the Congress' fault! The AMerican people don't need 
any new taxes! There's a story I want to tell you
about. I met this Disabled Veteran in Jonesboro, Idaho
and he said he had never been prouder of being an
American than when I told the American people that I had
to raise taxes because the Congress forced me to. There
are honest, decent people out there who resent your
question and frankly, I think you're being a bit
defensive, Jim. Governor Clinton, he waffles! Hold on
to your wallet, Mr. & Mrs. AMerica. Wall Street will go
swoosh if he gets elected. In 4 weeks from now, uh,
make that 2 weeks, you will be asked "Who do you
trust? Who has the CHARACTER to be President?" There's a
pattern that repeats every four years! You've got to
take a position! Come clean! Inhale!


Perot: I'm spending my own money here, not the money of
you good people watching this show tonight. Lets go
straight to the center of this. Do we need taxes? Yes!
AM I gonna tax you? You bet! 
(wild applause)
Thats because this country is bleeding folks and we've
gotta pay for it. There'll be unemployment
(wild cheers)
higher taxes
a gas tax
(more applause).
If you don't want it, don't vote for me!
(Wild cheers)
Vote for those lobbyists in $2000 suits who are helping
run the campaigns of these folk here. I love my wife and
daughters. They tell me what to do. Where are the
Glaspie papers?

Moderator: Governor Clinton?

Clinton: I believe that we can do what we feel that we
can do. The rich have got to pay. We can make America
strong again. We have to invest in roads,
telecommunications, healthcare. We have to listen to
those 209 people in Richmond the other night who wanted
to listen to the issues. In Arkansas, we have the
highest birthrate in the nation. I know all the people
in Arkansas by name. I believe we can do it. My state
ranks 3rd in the number of trees per square mile. If we
can do it in Arkansas, we can do it in America.


Moderator: That concludes the first round in this

Vasudev Murthy             Any opinions expressed are strictly      my own  and have nothing to do with
(214) 518-5031             Advanced Switching Lab, NEC America, Inc.
1525 Walnut Hill Lane Irving TX 75038

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