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The humor impaired (Peter J. Scott)

So many USENET postings contain the line ":-) for the humor-impaired".  Only
trouble is, it doesn't work against those people anyway, and generates some
kind of response like, "I find your posting offensive to all people who,
through no fault of their own, lack a sense of humor, and demand that you
retract it immediately."

Painstaking research has uncovered the e-mail sent by these people to
the authors of jokes posted over the years to rec.humor.funny.  Here are
a few extracts:

In response to a dead baby joke: "The incidence of SIDS (Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome to you, since you obviously wouldn't know anything about it)
in this country has reached epidemic proportions.  Your joke served only
to heighten the anguish of mothers everywhere and was in extremely poor 
taste, you insensitive jerk."

In response to a light-bulb joke: "You are clearly unaware of the monstrous
injusticies committed by the manufacturers of light bulbs who deliberately
build short life-times into their products in order to reap quick profits 
at the expense of non-renewable resources.  This sort of joke just serves 
to perpetuate the image of light bulbs as short-lived, thus playing right
into their hands.  I hope you're happy."

In response to a joke comparing lawyers to roadkills: "My Dad is a lawyer
and he is going to SUE you for defamation, how do you like that,

In response to a dumb blonde joke: "Oh, great.  Your joke just set back
women's rights in this country about ten years.  You are obviously a
sexually-frustrated nerd with no real concept of the true nature of
feminism.  The women's movement is going to roll right over you and your

In response to a joke about a dead guy meeting St. Peter: "You must not
know that there are many religious groups in the world who don't share
your notion of Heaven.  Your article automatically assumed the Christian
afterlife without giving any acknowledgement to equally valid beliefs
such as reincarnation, Nirvana, Valhalla, etc.  Please avoid causing 
similar offense in future postings."

In response to an April Fool's joke claiming that a UFO had landed on
the White House Lawn and delivered Elvis' dead body: "I turned on CNN
and watched for SIX HOURS without hearing anything about this.  Obviously
there has been a massive cover-up.  Please post more details."

In response to this joke: "You lampooned many worthwhile groups in your
joke without paying any attention to keeping a fair balance between them.
It is obvious that your only wish is to cause trouble.  I, for one, did
not find anything in it at all amusing."

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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