* * * * * P R E S S R E L E A S E * * * * * April 1, 1992 - Itchyca, NY - For immediate release worldwide In an unusual collaboration, scientists at the Conrell SuperNatural Computer Facility, the USDA and the Conrell Agricultural College have made a startling breakthrough in the gravitational physics field. Using technology modelled on giant computers at Conrell and tested in the laboratory, the group has succeeded in defying gravity. Scientist Elsie Browncow explained how the break came about. "We were examining possible applications of Murphy's famous laws, and we got to thinking about buttered bread always falling butter down. We came to the conclusion that butter must have some very special properties related to gravity. Reports of cows jumping over the moon lent support to our theory. Once we were on the right track the rest came easily." Local dairy farmers, who have been scratching their heads over the large butter orders from the research facility, are ecstatic over the discovery. Evidently, several hundred pounds of butter are required to overcome gravity in a region of space of 1 cubic centimeter. Asked about this Dr. Browncow replied, "... well, yes, that's true, but we're working on improving the process and are pretty sure we can reduce the butter requirement significantly." Rumor has it that the CIA and NASA are trying to limit access to the process. Dr. Browncow would not comment on the rumor except to say, "The word is out now and if we could figure this out I'm sure others will too - that's how science works." Local dairy farmers have been accused of discharging firearms at government vehicles seen near the labs lately. No arrests have been made.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)