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Original, Science humor ( John Voigt)
Cornell Information Technologies
(smirk, science)

 *  *  *  *  *   P  R  E  S  S       R  E  L  E  A  S  E   *  *  *  *  *

 April 1, 1992 - Itchyca, NY - For immediate release worldwide

 In an unusual collaboration, scientists at the Conrell SuperNatural
 Computer Facility, the USDA and the Conrell Agricultural College have
 made a startling breakthrough in the gravitational physics field.
 Using technology modelled on giant computers at Conrell and tested in
 the laboratory, the group has succeeded in defying gravity.

 Scientist Elsie Browncow explained how the break came about.  "We were
 examining possible applications of Murphy's famous laws, and we got to
 thinking about buttered bread always falling butter down.  We came to
 the conclusion that butter must have some very special properties
 related to gravity.  Reports of cows jumping over the moon lent support
 to our theory.  Once we were on the right track the rest came easily."

 Local dairy farmers, who have been scratching their heads over the
 large butter orders from the research facility, are ecstatic over the
 discovery.  Evidently, several hundred pounds of butter are required
 to overcome gravity in a region of space of 1 cubic centimeter.  Asked
 about this Dr. Browncow replied, "... well, yes, that's true, but we're
 working on improving the process and are pretty sure we can reduce the
 butter requirement significantly."

 Rumor has it that the CIA and NASA are trying to limit access to the
 process.  Dr. Browncow would not comment on the rumor except to say,
 "The word is out now and if we could figure this out I'm sure others
 will too - that's how science works."  Local dairy farmers have been
 accused of discharging firearms at government vehicles seen near the
 labs lately.  No arrests have been made.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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