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Funny things in my new lease

SEK@PSUVM.PSU.EDU (Sonja Kueppers)
(true, smirk)

A couple of days ago, I signed an intent to lease a new apartment.  The
landlord gave me a copy of his standard lease to look over, which included
the following gems:

Lessee waives his/her right of exemption of $300 cash or personal property,
and of any sewing machine in any sale by distress of lessee's personal

NO PETS.  Not even "just visiting".  Not for ten seconds.  Lessee agrees
to pay a $25 penalty rent for each and every time he is warned (caught).
Warnings will come at five minute intervals until animal is off the premises.
[...]  Lessee will be evicted regardless of amount of time animal(s) is on

There will be no beer taps or kegs, no bar, no dart board, no ping pong
table, no pool table, no pin ball or other game machines, etc., anywhere
on the premises.  Lessee will pay a $200 fine each time a beer keg is
placed in lessor's refrigerator.

Lessee will not bring furniture into "furnished" premises.

Lessee shall make no alterations, additions, or improvements to premises.
Any improvements made by lessee become the property of lessor. [...]

The following activities are prohibited in or on the premises:  Painting
with oil paints, [...] ballet, and calisthenics [...].

There is a fifteen dollar charge for opening locked doors for tenants
unless lessor happens to be nearby.

CASH payments are accepted ONLY at the convenience of the lessor.  Lessee
is encouraged to pay by check or money order.  Failure to pay rent because
of inability to locate lessor so as to hand him cash will result in the
prescribed late fees.


(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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