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Some people just don't like Texas (J. Brian Rigdon)
(smirk, regional stereotypes up the ying-yang)

{ed I've removed the ones that are repeats of themes found previously in this

OBHistory Lesson.  New Mexico was a state with Santa Fe the capitol 10 years
before the pilgrims hit Massachusetts.  Things haven't improved much in Santa
Fe...  Texas wasn't even thought of then.  Since then, Texans have actually
invaded New Mexico with armed parties (got their butts kicked) and have since
tried invasion with tourism and real estate tactics. (Keep coming, we want
your money!)  With that out of the way, here are some jokes.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  Then He turned around
and someone else made texas.

The best thing about texas is that it is the only state which can legally
secede from the union.

The worst thing about texas is that it hasn't.

texas: Where you can see farther and see less than any place on earth.

Q> What is the difference between a texas beauty and a hereford?
A> oh, about 10 lbs.

You know you're leaving texas when you see more stickers on the plants than on
the bumpers.

If God had wanted texans to ski....
        1 - He would have given them a mountain.
        2 - He would have made BS white.

If God had wanted New Mexicans to ski, He would have given them money.

If God had not wanted texans to ski, He wouldn't have given them New Mexico and

Then there was the time when an Okie (Agriculturally challenged person of
Oklahoma persuasion) baught an outhouse.  He figured he'd make money renting
the basement to a texan.

texas: It's a great place to be from... away from.

Given that the worst representation of any group is the tourists, and that
these are the ones that are most represented, it is to be understood that
the prevalant opinions of tejanos by New Mexicans is based on the tourists.
The author realizes that there are many fine people from... wait, I'm
apologising to texans!!!

But along those lines, our church group was on a ski weekend with a texas
group and a cute little texan and I were walking one evening through the
snow.  She brought up that she'd never heard a texas joke, and had heard that
I had a million.  Goodness her eyes were pretty.  But to save my life, the
only joke I could remember, to answer her persistance was,

Q>Why is New Mexico dry?

Did you hear about the texan who saw a sign that said "wet cement" so he did.

What does it sound like when you run over a dog?

What does it sound like when you run over a lawyer?

What does it sound like when you run over a texan?

texas: Where a man is a man...
    but always seems to have to prove it again and again.

[this joke is best when spoken, particularly with accents]
Once a couple of texans were driving through Albuquerque.  When they stopped
for gas, the attendant noticed that their Cadillac (with the cow horns on the
hood) was loaded down with camping gear.  The attendant asked where they were
    "Wa-ill," Drawled the texan, "war a headin' up thuh Jay-may-ezz Mountin's"
    "Excuse me,? Where?"
    "Up thuh Jay-may-ezz Mountins, Nawrth of heah"
    The attendant scratched his head.  "You know, I've lived here all my life
and I have no idea where you're talking about."
    "Wa-ill, if'n yuh go up tuh Burn-uh-lill-o, hang a laift, go up to 
San-wy-sid-ruh, hang a right'n keep awn a goin', Yuh'll be in the jay-may-ezz
    "OOOhhhh, I get it!  You see, here in New Mexico, we pronounce spanish 
names with the spanish pronunciation.  A 'j' is pronounced like an 'h'; a 
double 'l' is pronounced like a 'y';  and 'y' and 'i' are pronounced like a 
double 'e'.  So, you're going up to Bernallilo (ber-nal-ee-yo), then San
Ysidro (san ee-seed-ro) and then up into the Jemez (Hey-mes) Mountains,"
explained the attendant.  "Anyway you guys look like you're loaded down, 
how long are you gonna be up there?"
    "Oh, war cummin' back sometime late Hune, early Huly."

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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