Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

A letter to Microsoft

root@dogear.spk.wa.us (Bob Kirkpatrick)
Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA
(smirk, original)

Gentlemen:

While my career occupies much of my time,  I do  programming at home 
as a hobby. I noticed a new addition to your library with the recent 
release of your new C Compiler.  I was having a problem, which I was 
finally able to overcome by using one of the undocumented calls.

#include <stdio.h>
main()
{
printf("hello world\n");
}

MICROSOFT C COMPILER Version 6.3
Copyright 1992 Microsoft Corporation  All Rights Reserved.

10342: Line 5, unknown function 'printf'

MICROSOFT Object FIle Link Utility Version 4.09
Copyright 1991 Microsoft Corporation  All Rights Reserved.

No object file: test.obj
Abnormal Program Termination



#include <stdio.h>
#include <sys/hidden/bribe.h>

main()
{
printf("Hello world\n");
}

MICROSOFT C COMPILER Version 6.3
Copyright 1992 Microsoft Corporation  All Rights Reserved.

MICROSOFT Object File Link Utility Version 4.09
Copyright 1991 Microsoft Corporation  All Rights Reserved.

Output File: test.exe
Program completed without error.


I couldn't help but notice that my VISA account was debited  $18.42 each 
time that I ran the compiler, and that on each successful completion, my 
modem would dial and connect with an unknown system. 

I don't mean to complain,  but wished to inquire  about the notice which 
was on the envelope containing the diskettes which came with my purchase.

"Breaking of this seal affirms a contractual agreement between the 
Purchaser and the  Microsoft Corporation.  The Purchaser agrees to 
abide  by  the  terms and conditions of the  License conditionally 
granted by the  Microsoft Corporation.  Copies of this licence may 
be obtained by ordering a copy of it from our purchasing department. 
The cost for a copy of the license is $99.00 and includes a copy of 
MSDOS Version 4.0. Continued use of this product may incur subsequent 
user charges as outlined in the contract. The Microsoft Corporation 
assumes no liabilities for the use of this product,  and offers no 
warranties, expressed or implied. Damage to systems or loss of business 
revenues through the use of this software shall be deemed amusing."


After contacting your organization in an attempt to return the compiler, I 
was told that I would be  assessed a $400.00 restocking fee.  Since I only 
paid $197 for the product,  I felt that this was a bit exhorbinant.  After 
ending the conversation with your Customer Service Department, I noted that 
another debit from my VISA account. The debit was made in favor of Microsoft 
and was labelled "consultation fee."

This letter is  not  to complain about your business policies,  but instead 
recognizes the stability and cash flow that Microsoft enjoys as a result of 
them.  Since your policies reflect closely my  own  aims in my career,  and 
there is a significant possibility that I may be available in a few months, 
I would like to interview for a position at Microsoft.  A copy of my resume 
has been sent under separate cover.



            Sincerely,
    
            George Bush.
     

Submitted: Bob Kirkpatrick,
Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA. 

(From the "Rest" of RHF)


Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search