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Little Johnny Gets Laid (Vincent V. Juodvalkis)
(smirk, sexual, heard it)

My father told me this one the other day.  I don't know where he heard it.

Mr. Jones got home after a long day at work only to find his wife waiting
for him at the door to tell him that their son had gotten into trouble at

Mr. Jones headed up the stairs to his son's room and walked in.

"Your mother tells me you got into trouble today, Johnny."

"Aw, Dad... it wasn't much."

"C'mon son, what did you do?"

Johnny looking very uncomfortable fessed up.  "Today I got laid for
the first time."

"You got laid at school?!!"  Mr. Jones exclaimed with pride.  "Your only 14!
I was 17...."

Mr. Jones trailed off and a thoughtful expression crossed his face.

"Son, your mother expects me to punish you.  What I am going to do is hit
the bed several times.  I want you to yell as though I am spanking you,
and then tomorrow I will bring home that new red bicycle that you have
been wanting."

So Mr. Jones hit the bed and little Johnny yelled and cried a little and
Mrs. Jones was glad the her husband had taken control of the situation.

The next day when Mr. Jones got home from work he had a bright red, shiny,
new bicycle with him.  When Johnny came out, Mr. Jones expected him to 
just jump on and take off riding.  When Johnny did not mount the bike he
asked his son, "Is anything wrong son?  Oh, I am so proud of you.  I told
all the guys at work how MY son had gotten laid at the age of 14.  Isn't
this the bike you wanted?"

"Oh, sure Dad.  I've wanted this bike for a long time, but do you mind if I
wait until tomorrow before I ride it?  My butt is still sore from yesterday."

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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