All original stuff: WHY SOFTBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX * You can play softball as much or as little as you want; YOU get to decide. * After an unusually long and difficult softball game you can still ride your bike home. * In softball, the other team pays attention throughout, even if they're done scoring. * If you have to take a piss during a softball game, you can say "Excuse me, I gotta drain the swamp" and you don't lose style points. * In softball, nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long as you know what to do with it. * In softball, you don't feel guilty about winning the ugly ones. * The other team never has to forfeit a game cause they're on their period. * In softball, you don't have to compliment the other team on good they look in their new uniforms. * You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game. * If you get all scratched up in a softball game, you can brag about it to your wife. * In softball, if you go a couple months without scoring, your balls don't hurt. * In softball, you can play the same team every day for a year and it's never the same twice. * You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play softball. * You can play three, maybe four softball games a day. * In softball, it's no concern of yours if the other team has had marital relations with diseased livestock. * In a good weekend of softball, you can play six or seven different teams and it only costs you twenty bucks and you may get a prize at the end. * Playing the wrong softball team won't get you shot. * You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a softball game, the other teams lawyers won't call, asking for half of your pre-tax income for the next eighteen years. * During a softball game you can spit tobacco juice all over the place. * Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the ballet. * The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game. * The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know it. * If you don't score in a softball game, the other team doesn't ask you if you've had that problem often. * No matter how drunk the other team is they never throw up in your bed.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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