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A desirable state to be in? (Mark Lubratt)

I sent a copy of the New Jersey Environmetalist Manifesto, which was
recently posted, by, to a friend of mine
working at Bell Labs.  He sent me the following witty reply that I
tought the net might like:

From:  Mike Goodwin

I hate to come to its defense, but have you ever been to New Jersey?
Once you get about 15 miles from Newark, it's all trees and charming
little and big homes and grazing pastures for beautiful spotted cows
and deers and deer ticks.  There is a lot of unadulterated woodland
in Jersey.  It doesn't deserve the bad rap - it's just a facade that
we have to prevent more people from squeezing in on our paradise.

A rebuttal for the New Jersey jokes:

1,7. Litter:   Actually, New Jersey has one of the most extensive 
               recycling programs in the country.  In fact, at
               AT&T Bell Labs, we even recycle unused paper.

2. Open Space:   There is actually no open space inside the malls
                 because all of the women have such big hair.
                 Unfortunately, despite the fact that there is
                 a huge amount of farmland in northern Jersey, 
                 there is still no open space because the cows
                 have big hair too.

3,4. Fresh Air:   Well, the smell of exhaust fumes sure beats the
                  the Manhattan subway stench of dried urine.  Also,
                  if you put a bug zapper in your backyard your
                  home will always have the fresh-roasted smell
                  of a barbecue pit.

5.  Plants:   Actually, we try not to destroy too many of these 
              since they provide homes for countless varieties of
              animals, including furry little woodland creatures
              such as rats, our flying friends the mosquitoes, the
              lovable deer ticks, and amphibious creatures such as
              the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who actually grew
              up in the swamps of Jersey and, having retired from
              the Manhattan crime scene, now participate in a 
              Neighborhood Watch program in a suburb of Hoboken.

6.  Energy:  Actually, we conserve energy by converting toxic
             by-products into a brown sludge often referred to
             as coffee.  In turn, this energy is redistributed 
             among the population through the amazing coffee machine
             per capita ratio of 17.41.

8.  Wetlands:  I haven't been to the Shore yet, but I hear the women
               there have big hair too, as do the seagulls.  As for 
               syringes, the large ones make great piggy banks; about
               the Beach Whistles, I heard somewhere that with a 
               little Arts & Crafts ingenuity you can put these to
               use around your home in such interesting applications
               as paper weights and toothpick holders.  For more 
               information, write Bob Villa, care of This Old House
               at your local PBS affiliate.


(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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