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Ode to a Mammogram

robin@ntmtv.UUCP (Robin Coutellier)

A friend from work gave this to me the day AFTER I had my first
mammogram.  I particularly liked the last line, since I had almost the
exact same thoughts as I dressed to leave!


For years and years they told me,
    "Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
	And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings
	And protected them by Law...
Guarded them very carefully,
	And always wore a bra.

After 30 years of careful care,
	The doctor found a lump.
He ordered a mammogram
	To look inside that clump.

"Stand very close," she said,
	As she got my tit in line,
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
	"Ah Yes!  There!  That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal...
	I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...
	My boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched and stretched
	From way up by my chin.
And my poor tit was being squashed
	To Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt,
	Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
	My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me
	Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
	I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say
	As the room was slowly swaying,
"Now let's get the other one,"
	"Lord, have mercy," I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down,
	It squeezed me from both sides,
I'll bet she's never had this done
	To her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,
	I surely have one now...
If there had been a cyst in there,
	It would have popped*****KER--POW!!!

This machine was made by a man,
	Of this I have no doubt...
I'd like to get his balls in there
	For months he'd go "without"!!!!!!

Robin Coutellier
Northern Telecom, Mountain View, CA

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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