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Channel Tunnel (Timothy J. Stone in New York)
(national stereotypes, chuckle)

The following lines have, apparently been circulating round Strasbourg and parts of the financial community. The author is anonymous but clearly an Englishman!.

Ode to the Chunnel
Why the English do not want a Channel Tunnel

There'll be carloads of Louises There'll be Swedes of charmless candour From Parisian stripteases Coming over to philander, Importing foul diseases Spreading left-wing propaganda Into Kent. About wealth. There'll be modern French Wells Fargoes Belgian girls of vast proportions Sending juggernauts with cargoes Who have failed to take precautions Of frogslegs and escargots Driving over for abortions And men's scent. On the Health.

There'll be Dutchmen too, by jingo, There'll be Spanish senoritas Who'll refuse to speak the lingo, Jamming all our parking meters Coming over for the bingo With their miserable pesetas And the dogs. (I don't know !). And through this umbilical, And senoras doing sambas Seeking knickers from St. Michael, Shouting "vamos" and "caramba" Girls from Rotterdam will cycle And believing that the amber In their clogs. Light means "Go."

There'll be Danes on every corner There'll be Austrians with poodles Faces pink after a sauna, Wanting membership of Boodles trying hard to sell us porno Then demanding apple strudels Graphic books. With their tea. There'll be men like Julius Caesar There'll be lecherous Kuwaitis Getting in without a visa Driving lorryloads of Katies Careless architects from Pisa From the Thames to the Euphrates Bloody crooks. C.O.D.

There'll be wealthy German campers There'll be men from Lithuania With enormous picnic hampers From Rumania and Albania Full of sauerkraut and champers From Tasmania and Pennsylvania And pork pies. I've no doubt. There'll be Eyeties slick and smarmy, So, dear immigration panel Reared on pizza and salami, Boys in sports jackets and flannel, Turning up at Veeraswamy Please protect our English Channel Without ties. Throw them out!.

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