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Oracle Stuff (Trevor Green)
(original, smirk)

During 1989, Brian Marshall and I started up an Oracle service at the
University of Waterloo on behalf of the Computer Science Club.  Later
that same year, Edwin Hoogerbeets took over.  People would ask
questions, and we would answer them (ourselves, might I add).  Our
ponderings antedated the now-somewhat-popular Usenet Oracle (TM) by a
number of months.  The concise retorts are Edwin's; the incoherent
ramblings are mine; the coherent ramblings are Brian's.  Enjoy!
					Trevor Green
     Do the Unix commands macget and macput still work?  I have a Mac Plus 
and a 2400 baud modem, and I have tried mightily to get these commands to 
work, but with no success.  
                                        - Fred Dixon, 3rd year Computer Science
Dear Fred:
                   It seems that a large American corporation, which
I will not name (because MacDonald's would sue if I mentioned their
name) recently acquired a court injunction against the use of the name
MAC. Due to current developments in biological chip engineering, the
corporation has finally found a way to manufacture Intel 80386 clones,
called Intosh, which are made entirely from potato by-products - much
like the ever-popular Big Mac. 
     In its newly distributed sales brochure, the corporation announced that
the first of the new machines, the Mac DLT (Download Link Terminal), should be 
available shortly.  The basic board contains an Intosh potato chip, as well as 
an innovative drive that reads data off of 6-cm `all-beef' platters, a 3-cm CRT 
(catsup, relish and tomato) and can connect to `the Bun' using the sesame-seed 
modem at 1200 bps (Bacon, Pickles and Special Sauce). As the D.L.T. generates a
fair bit of heat, and us being environmentally conscious and all, the
corporation has incorporated a special feature into the top of the CPU box:
a griddle. What a golden concept!
     So no, there is no more MACPUT and MACGET on UNIX, unless you acquire
a DLT which will be selling at your local retail outlet for 99 cents
with the purchase of a burger, fries and regular drink. Yes, it's
`The Hacker Meal', the latest gimmick from MacDonald's!
Explain the meaning of "KILROE HIC ERAT!"
This phrase is, of course, in the language of the highlands of Klingon. It
means, literally, "A stupid human tradition of writing things on brick
walls with spraypaint, for which they should be executed immediately
with a large grey sperm whale rib(*)." Klingon is apparently more
concise than English.

The more figurative interpretation is, "Kilroy has hiccups."

* - which we can have for dinner tonight. 
Why do they always give the temperature at the airport, like who lives
at the airport?
The Moonies. 
Can the Oracle spawn a task so great that he cannot kill it?  
Contrary to popular belief, the Oracle is not all-powerful. We are
a tunnel, or a method: a means by which information may be
transmitted from the higher beings around us to the public in general.
(Much like a television, but no commercials or sitcoms.)

Thus the Oracle can no more create a task so great that he (or she)
cannot kill than he (or she) could create a bull terrier with
no inclination to munch upon human beings or their entrails. 
Why is it that, although the Emperor of Japan died on January 7, we all heard
about it on the News on January 6? Can foul play be ruled out?
						-Horrible Ethic
Dear Eth:

We indeed did hear about it on January 6, but this was not true around the
world. Japan and indeed all the Old World learned about the death on January
7, but due to a loophole in special relativity discovered in the 1880's by
Sandford Fleming, some 20 years before Einstein published his theory, and 
known as Time Zone theory, the Americas learned about the event on January
6 (6:30 in Newfoundland).
What makes the world turn?
Aristotle posited that it was in fact the entire rest of the universe that
rotates on an axis once a day; and then he died. Newton posited that in
fact the Earth rotates and revolves, all due to gravity and angular
momentum; and then he died.  Einstein posited that due to space-time
curvature, the Earth is in fact spiraling inwards toward the sun,
emitting enough gravity waves in the process to power, say, a small
electric heater, and then he died; and nobody has yet gotten that heater
to work.  Stephen Hawking posited that in fact the entire space-time
construction is a giant 4-dimensional spheroid that God couldn't really
have much to do with; and then...well, he isn't dead yet, but it won't
be that long.  Now comes the real truth: The reason the world turns is
that there is in fact a gigantic gyroscope hidden in the Earth's inner
core which is kept in motion by the hot gusts of wind emanating from
the portals of Hell.  I have posited this, and I am st

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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