Excerpts from next month's issue of "The Reader's Digestive":
TRUE ITEM: President Bush declared Sunday January 20th as National Sanctity of Human Life Day.
President Bush suggests that Americans celebrate by burning down abortion clinics and going to war.
Responding to news of Soviet troops cracking down in Latvia, President Bush replied that there is no excuse for removing a democratically elected government from office by force. When asked about past US disruption of elected governments throughout the world, President Bush said, "I think this history thing is way overblown."
Vice President Quayle, after being asked by the president to make a morale boosting trip to visit US troops on the Kuwaiti border, pulled some strings and will now be making a morale boosting trip to the National Guard Armory in Grand Rapids. Says Quayle, "The morale of troops on the home front is just as important as the morale of troops likely to be blown up at any moment."