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Computer service

harres@uwyo.bitnet (John M Harres)


  1. Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form an opinion as to what is wrong; allow each person the chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls and adjusting screws should be turned.
  2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a major emergency, place an urgent call for service. Fridays are best, but anytime after 4PM is OK.
  3. Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what is wrong. Suggestions of how to fix the machine will be welcomed by the serviceman.
  4. Hide the service history log that is found inside the machine. Make several references to the man who was here for the same problem last week.
  5. Have at least eight graduate engineers present to ask highly technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem.
  6. The minute the serviceman arrives, ask what caused the delay. Make it clear that he was to arrive two days ago. Before he can answer, ask him when the machine will be back in service.
  7. The machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible. A mixture of oil and pencil sharpener shavings work well. If the machine has electrical components, add staples and paper clips.
  8. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never seen the machine before is preferred. Bad breath is a big plus.
  9. Ask again when the machine will be ready for use.
  10. Be sure that the lights are off in the room where the machine is to be repaired. A good serviceman can fix them blindfolded.
  11. Ask if the machine is ready yet. If the serviceman is looking at a schematic diagram, ask if he knows what he is doing.
  12. When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he did. Tell him that the job should be swell, it took long enough.
  13. Try to talk the serviceman down on the bill. Those big companies make too much money anyway.
  14. After the serviceman has gone, call his supervisor and tell him the machine is now worse than it was before. Follow up with a letter and send a copy to the company's home office.
  15. Follow the above rules on every service call, no matter how small the problem is.

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