Due to frustrations I have experienced in recent months, I am forced to turn to you for help. For you see, I have made a remarkable discovery, that at present, I have had little luck in impressing upon a public made overly skeptical by wild and unsubstantiated claims made by crackpot media hounds posing as scientists. These imposters have sullied the public mind to true and enlightened breakthroughs, and I have been unable to have my work taken seriously at any of the well-respected scientific journals. I turn to you in desperation, and I know that my evidence will meet with unbiased, objective reason before your forum.
I have discovered that a simple organic fabric, liberally soaked in an aqueous solution of di-hydrogen oxide, and then spun in a high temperature superconducting gyroscope, will experience a anomalous weight loss due, for the most part, to a cold fusion reaction.
I describe my experimental procedure: An ordinary, carefully sorted load of all cotton fabrics was soaked in a distilled solution of di-hydrogen oxide. This load was carefully weighed and then put into the high temperature superconducting gyroscope. After a thirty minute exposure to a lateral spin, the load was removed and carefully weighed a second time. In every case, the second measurement indicated an anomalous weight reduction.
Due to the absence of the aqueous solution after the spin, I theorize that this weight reduction is caused by a cold fusion reaction between the two hydrogen atoms in the di-hydrogen oxide molecule to produce one helium and one oxygen molecule. Since helium is lighter than air, perhaps this contributes to the weight reduction. The fact that I was unable to detect a noticeable release of heat confirms that this is in fact cold fusion. I expect that the organic nature of the cotton fabric in some way provides a catalyst for this reaction to take place. With this in mind, I attempted to determine if live organic matter would increase the effect. Unfortunately, the experiment was unconclusive as my cat, Fluffy, failed to remain in a live state over the duration of the experiment. Four further experiments, using various rodents, achieved similar results, leading me to conclude that the anomalous weight loss effect is not a suitable diet technique for humans.
I know that the gyroscope is superconducting since the metal casing is clearly marked "Amana Superconvection Dryer." Now, as we all know, convection is nearly the same as conduction, so this is what they must really mean. I know that it is a high-temperature superconductor because the temperature switch was set on "High" throughout the experiment.
The ramifications of this discovery are enormous. However, my every attempt to describe this important effect has fallen on deaf ears. Please help me spread the word about this earth-shattering breakthrough.