Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Compiler Technology (Ray Wagner)
(original, maybe, computer)

The future is now from SCC.

Timely introduction of a first generation interactive compiler was made
last week by SCC(Sarcastic Compiler Corporation). SC v1.0, designed in
a garage on an HP-41c, incorporates the latest in interactive text, graphics,
and one-liner technology. A partial list of the features of this new
software innovation includes:

     * Instant generation of symbol tables, including extensive abuse of
       stupid variable names implemented by the programmer.

     * Production of structure tables, which, at no extra time cost, completely
       degrade and make fun of the programmer's "feeble attempt at any kind
       of top-down, bottom-up, or even moderately less than moronic" program

     * Complete erasure of source code and subsequent trashing of all
       directories and randomization of password in the instance of a
       programmer trying to utilize a GOTO in his code.

     * Commenting is probably one of the most important parts of programming,
       and SC v1.0 makes sure that it is done right. Any vague or badly
       written comments are flagged and erased. The programmer is then
       made to rewrite them correctly and copy them 50 times over so he
       won't waste the SC's time again. Programmers unwilling to comply
       with this idea are induced to do so by mild electric shocks.

     * All compile time errors are cataloged, and extremely abusive 
       electronic mail discussing these errors and the relative intelligence
       of the programmer is sent to all of the programmer's friends, 
       relatives, and managers. Also, notices are posted on bulletin boards
       across the nation and world-wide concerning the ancestry of the
       programmer's mother and his/her personal and sexual habits.

Rather than rest on this great accomplishment,  SCC is embarking on
an ambitious new project, the designing of a Sarcastic Programming
Environment. There is great interest in the concepts of Sarcastic Editors,
Sarcastic Interpreters, Sarcastic Assemblers and the like. The project will
be named SPECIALIST, for Sarcastic Programming Environment - Cynical, Ignorant,
Alienating, Labour-Inducing Software Trash.

(circa 1985 by kst+rpw)

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search