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Residency in New England

stuart@rassilon.UUCP (Stuart Freedman)
(political & state stereotypes, funny)

(From: JIM DAMICO DTN: 261-3257)

Forms for NH and MA

Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire

NAME:

ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary) White ( )

TYPE OF CARS OWNED: Pickup Truck ( ) You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )

CAR EQUIPMENT: Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder ( ) Playboy air freshener ( )

BUMPER STICKERS: "Ex-wife in trunk" ( ) "If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( ) "Bush/Quayle" ( ) "Shit Happens" ( ) "If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )

FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Pro-life ( )

Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:

FAVORITE DRUGS: Grass ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply) Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )

FAVORITE BEER: Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )

FAVORITE POLITICIAN: Don't Care ( )

CLUB MEMBERSHIPS: NRA ( )

How Automatic Weapons do you own?

5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )


Application for Permission to Live in Massachusetts

NAME: (extra space left due to new social awareness)

ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary) Eskimo ( ) American Indian ( ) Hispanic ( ) Asian ( ) African-American ( ) American-African ( ) Black-American ( ) Other Group With A Long History Of Oppression By White Males ( ) (specify, so we can help you form a political action group)

TYPE OF CARS OWNED (pick two): SAAB ( ) Volvo ( ) BMW ( ) Mercedes ( ) Honda ( )

You don't own any American cars, do you? NO ( )

CAR EQUIPMENT: Blaupunkt ( ) Passport ( ) Escort ( ) Vuarnet Sunglasses ( ) Stash ( ) CD ( ) Cellular Phone ( ) Ski Rack ( ) Bicycle Rack ( ) Wine Rack ( )

BUMPER STICKERS: "You can't hug a child with nuclear arms" ( ) "Greenpeace" ( ) "Dukakis/Bentsen" ( ) "Save the Whales" ( ) "Farms not Arms" ( )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Gay ( ) Lesbian ( ) Other ( ) (note: failure to give the proper answer to the above means you can't live in certain towns on the Cape, or get elected to Congress)

FAVORITE CAUSE: Whales ( ) Baby Seals ( ) Snail Darter ( ) Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:

FAVORITE DRUGS: Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Kitty's Diet Plan ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply) The Bomb ( ) Handguns ( ) All guns ( ) Nuclear Power ( ) Cigarettes ( ) The NRA ( ) Republicans ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE LEGALIZED?: (check all that apply) Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Needles ( ) Flag Burning ( )

FAVORITE BEER: Samuel Adams ( ) Beck's ( ) Corona(w/lime) ( ) Latest trendy brand ( )

FAVORITE POLITICIAN: Ted Kennedy ( ) John Kennedy ( ) Bobby Kennedy ( ) Joe Kennedy ( )

CLUB MEMBERSHIPS: ACLU ( ) Greenpeace ( ) SDS ( ) N.O.W. ( ) A.F.S.C.M.E ( ) Billy Bulger Breakfast Club ( ) Provincetown Boys Club ( ) Bull-dykes Kennel Club ( )

Even though we can't ever get any more power from Hydro-Quebec, don't you think that Seabrook should remain closed forever? YES ( )

Don't you think that the people in the Midwest should stop dropping acid rain on our vacation homes in Vermont, even if it means that they all lose their jobs? YES ( )

How many watts (per channel, RMS) is your principal home stereo? 100W ( ) 200W ( ) More than that ( )

How many air conditioners do you have to help you through our long New England summers?: 2 ( ) 3 ( ) 4 ( ) Central Air ( ) (note: Fewer than two A/C units may qualify you for state subsidies if you are a non-white unemployed Democrat)

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Thirtysomething ( )


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