Sandy McTavish was walking the Macy's basement sale when, before his eyes on the sale table, was a bolt of the McTavish tartan! He'd been in New York for about six years and his kilt showed it, so the need was there, the price was right and he approached the sales clerk (you'll have to supply your own Scottish burr).
"Lassie, Ey'd like a yayrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin"
"Beg your pardon sir?"
"Yaryrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin, I'm needin' a new kilt"
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to show me the material you mean"
So he walked her over to the sale table and showed her what he wanted.
"Sorry sir, that plaid only comes in three yard lengths"
"Ya dunna understand lassie, I dunna need three yayrds, I need a yayrd an a haf"
"I'm sorry sir, you don't understand, that plaid comes in three yard lengths, why not take a yard and a half, make your kilt, and take the other yard and a half and make a scarf for your girl friend?"
It was clear that Sandy needed a new kilt and that he was going to have to buy three yards if he was going to get the McTavish tartan...
"All ryut, I'll buy the thrree yayrds!"
He did and went home, made a new kilt and a scarf for his girl friend. He was so pleased with his new kilt that he decided he'd go over and show it to her and let the scarf be a surprise. As he was running over to her house he forgot that the pattern he'd used was over six years old and he'd lost some forty pounds in the mean time (two stone?). As a result, the new kilt slipped down off his waist, over his hips and was gone. He got to her door and knocked.
She saw him in the window and opened the door and as she did, he threw open his coat and said:
"Well! How dee ya lyke et?"
She looked and thought a moment and replied, "I guess I like it just fine."
"Aye Lass, and there's another one n'a'half yards ye'll be gettin for Christmas!"
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