Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Paducah, KY

nlp@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU (Nick Pine)
(chuckle, true, offense=farmers)

(to the Paducah, Tennessee and Alabama Railroad)

Mr.  A. H. Dauchy, V. Prst. of yure ralerode;

Dere Sir:

This is the third letter I have writ you in regardst to my clame for enjury of
my spotted bull, a pet of my fambly, which we named Daniel Webster, but which we
called Buster for short. 

I already told you twisct that yure trane hit my bull a-tween Holler Rock
Junction and the second mile post comen this way. No reply from you except you
sent me a blank to fill out -- and dam the blank. A Filerdelphia lawyer could
not fill hit out. 

As I said before frum whare the trane hit the bull it carried him a right smart
peace beyond that pint. I tole you plane that the injine tore offen a peace of
his hide averagen eight inches from his under lip then sorto zagonal over his
shoulder and back, and then down his left side clear under to his nable on below
part of his body. 

The trane wheel also stripped off part of his hind hufes smack and smooth maken
his fet very tender and sore so he can not walk good without me and my boy Joe
holden him up with a pole when he travils to pond for water which is only about
two rods off from where he is. 

Before this axident he was a very threatening beast and mighty cantankerous. 
Since then he has a sad look and bawls most of the time, princepally at night
disturbing us considerable. He don't eat scarcely anything except some dry meal
because his jaws is mighty sore. 

Tow of my nebors who I do not speak to say they will swar that this bull was
struck by lighteen but they are a dam lie. He was hit by yure payoff speshial
trane which come through my field a gallahooten at midnight of Mch. of the 20
with its whissle a screamen like hell. 

Now if nothin was hitten by this trane why was it screamen like hell?  You can't
answer. Neither can they. Nor nobody. 

Now lissen right clost. Me and Henry Hefferman has aprazed this bull of value
at $eighteen dollars and six bits and he is as we say beyond doubtless a totle
loss. Henry says he aint never saw sich damage to a bull in his day and time,
and neither have I and my boy Joe says the same and we all say he will never be
any more use for a bull hardly not even for befe. 

So take notice of this. This is writ on Friday and maled on North bound trane. 
Onlessen I receve check in full ... by a Thursday next I heard some people say
that sum spikes are agoing to git loost from the rales of yure rode which will
cause the rales to spred out when yure passenger trane number 104 cums along. 

Then thar will be some big hedlines in the paducky papers saying thet sum
coaches went into the barpit in my feld, that an injineer and farman were kilt
and hurten sum passengers right bad and maybe yure dam conductor Aleck Fulton
will get a leg broke or both legs and I don't give a dam for that either. 

Further and more to that you nede not send that Pot bellied burl Linn yure clame
agt. down here to settle with me and maybe talk me out of the whole buseness
with honey words and honey words don't git no bakon at Stagners store over at
Holler Rock Junction. 

So you better send on the check as I advice you for I aint in no state of mind
to be talked to or have my word disputen nor written you leters which don't git
no answer. 

PS: Jest a slite hint. Effen you think you will git this case in Judge
Harewoods cote you are offen your nut. Him and yure clame agt. is as thick as
theves and I wuld sware him offen the bench in a minute for I seen him and yure
clame agt. a playing pich trumps in Shorty Dugans sody warter place for sody
warter they said but I guess it were for sumpin stonger for Shortys place aint
nothen more or less than a salune and Shorty hisself saw this game if he will
stick to what he said, which I very much doubt as burds of a fether always floch
together in the cote house and I don't mean maybe. 

Git that and git it good for you cant mess with me no longer. 

(from a 1937 Kentucky State Bar Journal--payment was received by the 
next train, special delivery.)

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search