During a recent international sports meet, one of the Scottish track and field coaches was entertaining some friends and colleagues in his hotel room. As so often occurs the libations were used up before it was time to end the festivities.
After receiving directions to the nearest wine/liquor store, the Scottish coach departed the party.
Upon arriving at the store, he noticed that there were only three or four people waiting in the queue.
Immediately ahead of him were two men dressed in military fatigues and heavily bearded. He overhead one of them ordering several bottles of Scotch and rum. Upon being told the value of his purchases, this fatigue dressed individual told the clerk that he was with Fidel. Immediately the clerk produced a book and had the individual sign for his purchases. To say that the Scotsman was intrigued would be an understatement.
The other individual in front of the Scotsman proceeded to order at least twice what his companion had ordered. Upon receipt of his total he also told the clerk that he was with Fidel. Same book, same procedure as the first fatigue clad individual.
By this time the Scotsman had figured he was on to a good thing.
He ordered bottles of this, that, cigars, cigarettes etc. Upon being presented with his bill he told the clerk that he was with Fidel.
The clerk told him that he could not be with Fidel.
"Why not?" said the indignant Scotsman.
"Because you do not have the beard and the big cigar." the clerk replied.
Pausing for only a moment, the Scotsman reached down, lifted up his kilt and proudly announced, "SECRET SERVICE!!!"