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How to Cook a Berkeley Student

tas@dcc1.UUCP (N. Tasova)
DeKalb College
(rec_humor_cull, chuckle)

I was going through my old files and found this jewel that was posted about two years ago by the wharf rat.

In response to the recent spate of rodent-recipes, I offer the following as an example of true haute cuisine:

		How to Cook a Berkeley Student 


One large or two small Berkeley Students. Ketchup. 2 large cloves garlic. Crisco or other solid vegetable shortening. (Lard may be substituted). 1 keg cheap beer. 1 lb. alfalfa sprouts. 2 lbs. assorted health foods, such as tofu or yogurt.

First, catch a Berkeley Student. Remove the tail and horns. Carefully separate the large ego and reserve for sauce. Remove any pencils, calculators, slide rules, or illegal drugs and discard. Clean the Student as you would squid, but do not separate the tentacles from the body. If you have an older Student, such as a Graduate Student in Math , you may wish to tenderize by pounding the Student on a rock with a surfboard or other flat heavy object. Next, pour 1/2 of the keg of beer into a bath-tub and soak the Student in the beer for at least 12 hours. (If your Student belonged to a fraternity you may skip this step.) When the Student is sufficiently soaked, remove any clothes the Student may be wearing and rub it all over with the garlic. Then cover the Student with Crisco, using a slow circular motion, and taking care to cover every inch of the Student's body with the shortening. If it looks like fun, you may also cover your own body with Crisco. Be sure to remove your clothes first, if you do. Now post a request for Rogue source to net.general. Be sure to ask what "S.O." and "M.O.T.A.S." mean. Post at least 3 copies of this to ensure adequate flames for cooking your Student. When the flames have died down to a medium inferno, place your Student on top of your terminal until it's well tanned and the hair turns bleached blond. Be careful not to overcook, or the Berkeley Student may become radical. Make a sauce by combining the previously reserved ego, the alfafa sprouts, and ketchup to taste using cat(1) (see note). Redirect the output to your blender and puree until smooth. Slice the Berkeley Student as you would any turkey, and serve accompanied by the assorted health foods and the remaining beer.

the wharf rat

Note: use this command to make the sauce:
cat ego sprouts ketchup >blender |puree

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