Before you start, sample the rum and check for good quality. Good, isn't it?
Now select a large mixing bowl, measuring cups, spatula, etc. (Check that rum again for quality. It must be just right! Try it again.)
With an electric beater, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one tsp. sugar and beat again. (Meanwhile, make certain that rum is of best quality.)
Add two large eggs and two cups of dried fruit and beat until very high. If fruit gets stuck in the beater, pry it out with a screwdriver. (Sample rum again, checking for consistency.)
Next, sift in three (2) cups of baking powder and add a pinch of rum, one seaspoon of soda and one cupa papper...(or maybe salt?) Anyway, don't fret, just taste that rum again. Good stuff.
Next, sift in a half pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped buttermilk and strained nuts. Sample rum again.
Now, one bablespoon srown sugar, or whatever color is around. Mix. Well.
Grease your oven and turn cake pans to 359F. Now, pour the whole mixture into the oven ... (HONEY? WHERE'S THE MOP??)
On second thought, forget the oven, pitch the cake and check the rest of the rum. Bo to ged.