"Sorry" says the attendant, "we're all out of chocolate ice cream."
"In that case" says the man, "I'll have a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry and a pint of chocolate."
"I told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream, buddy" says the attendant, becoming slightly annoyed.
"OK, in that case" says the man, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate."
"Look, mister, what does the V-A-N in vanilla spell?"
"Van" he replies, "But what does that have to do with ice cream?"
"Never mind, what does the S-T-R-A-W in strawberry spell?"
"Straw" he answers, "But I still don't understand what this has got to do with my getting the ice cream I want?"
"What does the F-U-C-K in chocolate spell?" asks the attendant.
"Wait a minute" says the man, "there's no fuck in chocolate!"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, dick brain, now get out of my store."
Here are some examples of rec.humor from real.history:
George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets for the opening night of his new play to Winston Churchill, along with this note: "Bring a friend--if you have one." Churchill returned the tickets with a note saying: "Sorry, but I am engaged that evening. Please send tickets for the second night--if you have one."
Lady Astor and Winston Churchill were well known for their needling of each other. On one occasion, Lady Astor told Churchill, "If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee!" Churchill responded, "If you were my wife, I would drink it."
Some years ago, George Bernard Shaw and a middle-aged London socialite engaged in one of the most famous encounters in the battle of the sexes. Shaw asked the woman if she would sleep with him for a million pounds. She responded with an enthusiastic "yes!" Then Shaw playfully lowered the offer to one pound and sixpence. "Certainly not!" the woman huffed, "what do you think I am?" Shaw smiled and said, "We've already established that . . . now we're haggling about the price."
"Silent Cal" Coolidge was a man who knew when to keep his mouth shut. In fact, he rarely said much of anything. Early in his presidency, a woman approached him at a banquet and said, "Mr. President, I made a bet with my husband that I could get you to say more than two words." Coolidge replied without hesitation, "You lose."
Did you hear what happened when they took off all of Tammy Faye's makeup?
They found Jimmy Hoffa.
Q. what's the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?
A. the taste.