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Chocolate Ice Cream

64460V@D1.UUCP (R Scott V Paterson)

A man walks into the local ice cream parlor and tells the attendant he wants a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

"Sorry" says the attendant, "we're all out of chocolate ice cream."

"In that case" says the man, "I'll have a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry and a pint of chocolate."

"I told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream, buddy" says the attendant, becoming slightly annoyed.

"OK, in that case" says the man, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate."

"Look, mister, what does the V-A-N in vanilla spell?"

"Van" he replies, "But what does that have to do with ice cream?"

"Never mind, what does the S-T-R-A-W in strawberry spell?"

"Straw" he answers, "But I still don't understand what this has got to do with my getting the ice cream I want?"

"What does the F-U-C-K in chocolate spell?" asks the attendant.

"Wait a minute" says the man, "there's no fuck in chocolate!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, dick brain, now get out of my store."

Flames from history [rec.humor.funny]

Flames from history (Phillip Garding)

University of Utah CS Dept

Here are some examples of rec.humor from real.history:

George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets for the opening night of his new play to Winston Churchill, along with this note: "Bring a friend--if you have one." Churchill returned the tickets with a note saying: "Sorry, but I am engaged that evening. Please send tickets for the second night--if you have one."

Lady Astor and Winston Churchill were well known for their needling of each other. On one occasion, Lady Astor told Churchill, "If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee!" Churchill responded, "If you were my wife, I would drink it."

Some years ago, George Bernard Shaw and a middle-aged London socialite engaged in one of the most famous encounters in the battle of the sexes. Shaw asked the woman if she would sleep with him for a million pounds. She responded with an enthusiastic "yes!" Then Shaw playfully lowered the offer to one pound and sixpence. "Certainly not!" the woman huffed, "what do you think I am?" Shaw smiled and said, "We've already established that . . . now we're haggling about the price."

"Silent Cal" Coolidge was a man who knew when to keep his mouth shut. In fact, he rarely said much of anything. Early in his presidency, a woman approached him at a banquet and said, "Mr. President, I made a bet with my husband that I could get you to say more than two words." Coolidge replied without hesitation, "You lose."

Tammy Faye joke [rec.humor.funny]

Tammy Faye joke

John R. Snyder (206) 543-7798 <!jsnyder>

Did you hear what happened when they took off all of Tammy Faye's makeup?

They found Jimmy Hoffa.

Thermometers [rec.humor.funny]



Q. what's the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?

A. the taste.

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