Howdy folks, 'Day I walked by a book store by accident on my way to pick up some brew, and by jimminy if they weren't aknolegin' the efforts 'uv me and my friends that've been working so hard to protect the young'uns of our communitie. So I thought I'd get you durned seculer huminists up to date on how your days are numbered. The nice book store folks (we may have to stop picketing that one), actually gave me a list of "Books challenged or banned in 1986-87" and I's gonna procede to quote some 'uv our better successes. There's lots here (we're doing REAL good!) so I's won't quote 'um all, but just some o' the good ones. First there's this here book by Robert E. Beck called "Literature of the Supernatural." Boy, if the title don't say it all. Got's stories by all kind of crazies, like Edgar Allen Poe (a drug addict), O. Henry (a jailbird), Ray Bradbury (probably teaches his kids evolution), Dante (don't know him - probably a damn mexican or sumpin'), and that Shakespeare fag. Them good parents said the stories "promoted the occult, sexual promiscuity and anti- Americanism, and that they attacked other traditional American values," and asked that this thing be removed from the school liberaries at Lakewood, Co- lorado. Unfortunately the Jefferson County School Board been bought off by a bunch of rich catholic assholes and wouldn't ban it (or a bunch of other books we brought to theyre attention). You just wait, though... Then there's this book by some chink named Suzuki called "Zen Buddhism: Selected Writings" that was challenged in Canton, Michigen 'cause it "details teachings of the religion of Buddhism in such a way that the reader could very likely embrace its teachings and choose this as his religion." God, can you just IMAGINE having one'v your kids shaving there head and chanting and takin' drugs and stuff! Boy, I'd beat some sense into him in nothin' flat, let me tell you. There was also some fool book about coons in 'Nam that got banned in Florida 'cause of "harsh language and...a moral danger to students." Good thing, too, 'cuase I damned tired of hearing about that damned war. Quit whining and get a job. Both "Le Morte D'Arthur" (why are our kids being being forced to read stuff they can't even prounonce, fer'Chris'sake?) and "Death of a Salesman" are being challenged in Pulaski County, Kentuky, as "junk" and I couldn't agree more. I saw part of that Salesman thing on TV trying to find the wrestlin' match, and I didn't understand a damn thing. Junk. Nothin' but junk. I'm real glad to see that that cultist wierdo Stephen King's managed to get his books removed from lots of librarys in towns where people have the sense to protect there kids from this sort of satanis crap. I ain't reed this "Flowers for Algernon" thing by some Keyes fellow, but some good folks in North Carolina are trying to get it off the reading list 'cause its "pornographic." Pornographie on the reading list? What IS this country coming too? And you realize that its all 'cuase of the kind of liberal thinking that you folks have been perpetratin' on our kids ever since that bleedin' heart Roosevelt was President. This Robert Cormier guy thought he was being smart givin' his book a nice cutsy title like "The Chocolate War," so we vigalent parents wouldn't notice that its full of profanity, "obscene references to masturbation and sexual fantasies," and "ultimately because of its pessimistic ending." But they caught him in Massechusets and Florida, and I'm glad for it. Kids ought to be reading optimistic stuff like "Rambo," otherwise we'll never get all those fairy chink cars and trucks off our lots. There's lots others, 'bout sex and babies and war other gross stuff (there's even two about girls bodies!), but I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn. I wasn't even involved in a lot of these, but I'm mighty proud of all those people out there that are helping protect our countries kids from this kind of disgusting liberalism and free thinking. Damn straight. And I think we's better do somethin' about all this talk.bizarre stuff, too. Nothin' but a bunch of drugged out, sex crazed, commie pinko maniacs, and I say shoot ever'one'uv'um. Yup. Shoot'em all. Yessirreebob.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)