(chuckle)

(The math department here at UW has a student run news/humour magazine called, appropriately enough, mathNEWS. One of the best columns in there is the prof quotes. This is what keeps us awake in Friday morning classes:)

"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?" "Yes, I don't have one." "Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."- E. D'Azevedo Computer Science 372

"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem." - C. Durance Computer Science 234

"Let's make ethanol green this afternoon." - R. Friesen Chemistry 124

"You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"What I've done, of course, is total garbage." - R. Willard Pure Math 430a

"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug someone with it?" - M. Devine Computer Science 340

"Is it a really good acid, or just a half-acid?" - R. Friesen Chemistry 124

"You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny?" - D. Taylor Computer Science 350

"This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"I think it is true for all n. I was just playing it safe with n>=3 because I couldn't remember the proof." - Baker Pure Math 351a

"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette." - P. Buhr Computer Science 354

"Every prof blows this. We're all going to get AIDS or something." - J. Vanderkooy Physics 122

"How do you find an isomorphism? You just f it. See? Graph theory is a lot of fun." - I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230

"You can't drink negative beer. Well, I guess you could throw up." - Forbes Math Elective 102

"Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week from today. I do not give out extensions without good reason." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on." - Hepler Systems Design 182

"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently." - J. Wainwright Mathematics 140b

"Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat." - M. Devine and P. Larson Computer Science 340

"We'll call it S for cyclic." - Gord Sinnamon Mathematics 234b

"Karen has her own i, and she is not going to let Frank put his data into it." - F. D. Boswell Computer Science 240

"All that was meant to bore you shitless." - I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230

"The subspace W inherits the other 8 properties of V. And there aren't even any property taxes." - J. MacKay Mathematics 134b

"So you have this mapping P(v). So what does it mean? It means you take v and 'P' on it, right?" - J. Baker Mathematics 234b

"That's an engineer on his work term. He's sawing pipes, then soldering them back together again...He'll do that 10 times to make the pipe shorter." - J. MacKay Statistics 332

"What do I do if I am running low on my [computer] account?" "Take out a loan." - C. Durance Computer Science 234