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Soviet Humour (Steven Swinkels)
Amdahl Corp, Sunnyvale CA

I worked for a while with a techie who was originally from the Ukraine. He would tell me bonafide Russian jokes. The ones I remember:

The farmers of a commune are gathered together by some officials for an announcement. The government spokesman steps up and announces that production is up, tractors are being manufactured in record quantities and the economy is wonderful. He then asks if there are any questions. A farmer named Perchek raises his hand. "Yes, Comrade, a question. If everything is so wonderful, why are we hungry, ill-housed and ill-clothed?

"An excellent question" comes the reply. I will ask it to my superiors and return to you with an answer.

Three months later, the farmers are once again gathered and the same type of news is announced. The spokesman again asks if there are questions.

"Yes," says one farmer. "Where is Perchek?"

There are a whole series of jokes involving the Reds and the Whites (Reds being the partisan revolutionaries and Whites being the ruling decadent pigs...) The jokes always involve the exploits of Sasha, Ivan and Boris, three revolutionary Reds. The only one I can remember is:

Boris is walking through Red Square one day on his way back to revolutionary headquarters, when he sees a long line of men with grins on their eager faces. He recognizes that many of them are prominent Whites. He sneaks to the head of the line and sees that they are waiting for a turn to screw a woman laid out on a mat in a warehouse. To his surprise, he discovers that it is Sasha!

Quickly donning a disguise, he gets in line and takes a turn, too. He then rushs back to Ivan at headquarters and announces the traitorous activities of Sasha, who he caught giving sexual favors to Whites!

About that time, Sasha walks into the building. Ivan jumps up and angrily demands to know what she has been doing. "Furthering our noble cause, comrades! I have been out spreading VD among the Whites!"

Steven Swinkels

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