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[ Making the rounds of a few aviation mailing lists - ed. ]


Q: What is the difference between a duck and a co-pilot? 
A: The duck can fly. 

A check ride ought to be like a skirt:
Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything. 

Speed is life. 
Altitude is life insurance. 

It only takes two things to fly: 
Airspeed, and money. 

The three most dangerous things in aviation (in order):  
1. A doctor in a Cessna. 
2. Two captains in a 737 or DC-9. 
3. On-board fire

Aircraft Identification: 
If it's ugly, it's British. 
If it's weird, it's French. 
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian. 

What do air traffic controllers and pilots have in common? 
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. 
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies 

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the
engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New FAA motto:  'We're not happy till you're not happy.' 

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter ... it's about to. 

Basic Flying Rules: 
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 
2. Do not go near the edges of it. 
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
   buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more 
   difficult to fly in the edges. 

Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th
unsuccessful landing attempt: 'You've got to land here son. This is
where the food is.'

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a
good bowel movement.  A night carrier landing is an opportunity to
experience all three at the same time.

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