J Phineas retired as an insurance claims adjuster and moved to his chalet up in the hills with a determination to Go Local.
So, of course, he first bought a chainsaw.
In a week, he brought the item back to Ludy's Saw 'N Chaw.
"It ain't no good," said Phineas. "Why, I can do better with a handsaw!"
Well, says Ludy, let's have a look-see. So he jerks on the pullcord and it goes, "Whappa-whirrr-rummmmmm!" and Phineas is wide-eyed.
"What's that noise?"