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J Phineas retired as an insurance claims adjuster and moved to his chalet up in the hills with a determination to Go Local.

So, of course, he first bought a chainsaw.

In a week, he brought the item back to Ludy's Saw 'N Chaw.

"It ain't no good," said Phineas. "Why, I can do better with a handsaw!"

Well, says Ludy, let's have a look-see. So he jerks on the pullcord and it goes, "Whappa-whirrr-rummmmmm!" and Phineas is wide-eyed.

"What's that noise?"

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