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Ten reasons why we should attack the Moon without delay:

1. It occasionally blocks the sun, alarming the citizenry and curtailing our solar energy supply. This is clearly a threat to our national security.

2. Despite all our best efforts, including several direct visits, it has never responded to any attempts at communication. Silence is ominous.

3. There is nothing visible on the surface, so there must be something hidden underground (e.g., a uranium enrichment plant).

4. There is no good reason to believe that the Moon doesn't have gobs of oil.

5. The Moon is always in an ideal position to launch a devastating missile strike anywhere on planet Earth.

6. It is not a member of the U.N., nor a signee of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

7. It is largely responsible for our tides. This cannot be a coincidence.

8. It is almost certainly not a Christian moon (and it sure looks God-forsaken).

9. It's a great place to harbor terrorists: remote, forbidding, lots of craters to hide in.

10. Our trade deficit with the Moon is exactly zero. Need I say more?

[Author: P. Dimon]

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