| RHF Joke Archives |

What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

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>From: TOMKANPA@aol.com
>Subject: Knights of the Rolling Table

So Mick Jagger is going to be knighted.
I can hear it now, "I dub thee Sir Lipsalot."

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>From: jha@manx2.demon.co.uk (John Atkinson)
>Subject: Pop parsimony

Writing in the (UK) Mail on Sunday, Brit Ekland says of Rod Stewart:

"He was so mean. It hurts him if he has to go for a pee because he has to give something away for nothing."

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>From: jshayward@pobox.com (Jonathan Hayward)
>Subject: Help stamp out drug use!

Adapted from a friend's observation:

This is your brain:
bash-2.05$
This is your brain on drugs:
Starting Windows XP...
Any questions?

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>From: kevwill@us.ibm.com (Kevin L Williams)
>Subject: Every woman's a 10--the hard, cold reality

An earlier submission by YOURAA@morekypr.UUCP stated:

"Every woman's a 10. It just depends upon which base you're counting in."

However, there's just no getting around the fact that some women are 1s, no matter what base you use.

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>From: epearlst@unlserve.unl.edu (Edgar A Pearlstein)
>Organization: University of Nebraska-Lincoln
>Subject: Still wrong?

If parents make a statement and there is no teenager nearby to hear them, are they still wrong?

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>From: meric@mondes.com (Eric McCaughrin)
>Subject: Riddle

Q: What's the difference between George W. Bush and Hitler?

A: Hitler was elected.

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>From: bwo@compuserve.com (bwo)
>Subject: Accounting for reproduction

>From a letter to the editor in today's Globe and Mail (Toronto):

"Is it any wonder that Xerox is copying Enron and WorldComm?"

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>From: MauriceV@bellsouth.net (Maurice Valmont)
>Subject: Wedded bliss

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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>From: kilroy@elvis.rowan.edu (Dr Nancy's Sweetie)
>Subject: Ideal Voting

My wife, after using the new electronic voting machines purchased in our area, commented that "In an ideal world, the lights would be a little brighter."

I replied "In an ideal world, the candidates would be a little brighter."

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>From: andy@55ware.com (Andy O'Meara)
>Subject: Lawyer and Bicycle

When you're driving, why shouldn't you swerve to hit a lawyer on a bicycle?

A: It's probably your bicycle.

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>From: vdatar@cisco.com (Vivek Datar)
>Subject: Einstein Burger

During a recent trip to Phoenix I saw a place, Einstein Burger. The first thing that came to my mind was that, they must be relatively good.

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>From: sarnath@eeyore.stcloudstate.edu (sarnath ramnath)
>Subject: Iraq elections

Heard this from a colleague:

There is at least one redeeming feature about the Iraqi democracy - the person who gets the most votes is declared the winner.

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>From: NOSPAM!hmvh@ieg.com.br (=?ISO-8859-1?Q?Herby_H=F6nigsperger?=)
>Organization: The HMVH Corporation
>Subject: Results of the latest studies

It has been determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position:

The husband sits up and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead!

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>From: umjdl@bellatlantic.net
>Subject: creative accounting

What do you call books that are not cooked?

Rare.

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