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Regional Sniping

dfr@bayarea.net (David Ranney)
(chuckle)


I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and my brother lives in Madison,
Wisconsin. This time of year I get a sick pleasure out of taunting him
about the difference in the weather. It was about 70 degrees and sunny
when I spotted the following weather advisory, so naturally I forwarded
to my brother:


Columbia-dane-dodge-fond du lac-green lake-iowa-marquette-sauk-sheboygan-
including the cities of...Portage...Beaver dam...Sheboygan...
Madison...Fond du lac...Dodgeville...Baraboo...
Montello and Green Lake

...Wind chill advisory for late tonight and early Wednesday remains
in effect...

Temperatures falling to near Zero late tonight will Combine with
gusty Northwest winds of 15 to 25 mph...To generate wind chills from
20 to 25 degrees below Zero. The dangerous wind chills will continue
through about mid morning on Wednesday...With values rising as the
temperatures gradually rise by mid-day.

A Wind Chill Advisory is issued when a Strong wind will Combine with
cold temperatures...To create dangerously cold conditions for exposed
skin. The wind will make it feel like it is 20 degrees below Zero or
colder...For a period of several hours. Those planning to venture
outdoors should use common sense and dress warmly...Making sure that
all exposed skin is covered. At these wind chill temperatures it
takes only 30 minuites for frostbite to occur on exposed skin.

He responded by sending me this:


marin-sonoma-solano-contra costa-san francisco-alameda-san mateo-santa clara
counties including the cities of...san francisco...oakland...berkeley...
san jose...woodland hills...cupertino...

...Aggravation Advisory for late tonight and early Wednesday remains
in effect...
Asking prices rising to near 8-Zeroes late tonight will Combine with
slowing 101 and 880 traffic jams of 5 to 10 mph...To generate aesthetic
chills from 20 to 25 malls per sq mile. The dangerous development chills
will continue through about mid morning on Wednesday...With property values
rising as the number of Pottery Barns gradually increase by mid-day.
An Aggravation Advisory is issued when a Strong wind of economic reality
will Combine with inflated housing prices and traffic nightmare conditions...
To create dangerously aggravating conditions for exposed persons. The "wind"
will make it feel like one's stock is 80 percent below last year's value
while the house one wants is 350% above one's ability to buy. Those
planning to venture capital should use common sense and dress warmly...
Making sure that all exposed investment is covered. In these conditions it
takes only 30 minutes to not be able to afford a 1 bedroom 1 bath 550 sq ft
condo in Hayward.

Maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on. :-)

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