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Yet another U.S. Election Digest (Funny Guy)
(smirk, sexual, heard it, offense=almost everyone)

These are some of the better election quickies I've received. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

= = = = = = =
>From: (The Old Bear)
>Subject: Disaster Response

The following quote appeared in a CNN story about Ryder Truck Rental's
donation of the use of one of its trucks to move ballots from West Palm
Beach County to the circuit court in Tallahassee:

| It is not unusual for the company to donate its trucks. "We do it
| most typically on a philanthropic basis," said Allison Striegel, a
| spokeswoman for Budget Group, which owns Ryder Truck Rental Services.
| "We're very active in natural disasters, moving supplies in and out
| of disaster locations."

Finally, someone who recognizes this election for what it is.

Now maybe the Red Cross can provide temporary shelter to both candidates
until one of them can move into The White House.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Barkley-Yeung Ian)
>Subject: Will of the People

Ever since the US election, there's been a lot of loose
talk about discovering the "will of the people." What
all the pundits and politicians fail to realize is
that the system worked perfectly and the people got
EXACTLY what they wanted:

Another precious week of not having to call EITHER
of those losers "President."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Keith Weintraub)
>Subject: Can't we keep this election in the family?

G. W. Bush said that in Texas they guarded the border
so closely they never had to worry about any guy named
Manual Recount screwing up their election results.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Nutter, Mark)
>Subject: Deadline for election results

They better hurry up and resolve this election thing pretty quick.
Americans are perilously close to realizing that the lack of a new president
isn't really all that bad.

= = = = = = =
>From: (William Tunstall-Pedoe)
>Subject: election anagram

Amazingly, rearranging the letters of

"Republican National Committee"

produces the words

"Inept ballot count: America mine!"


= = = = = = =
>From: clarke@econ.Berkeley.EDU (Chuck Clarke)
>Subject: Inauguration Day Bestseller?

Laura Bush has been doing her part to help her man get to the White
House. Her new book is titled "It Takes A Village Idiot."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Zap Coffey-Brittain)
>Subject: US Presidents - a UK viewpoint

What's the difference between Florida and Winner?
Florida has an F but there will never be an F in winner....

= = = = = = =
>From: (Andy)
>Subject: Renaming RHF

RHF needs to be known as WRHF... Then I could rush out to people and say "I
just heard on WRHF the Americans are going to decide the presidential
elections with an old-fashioned traditional duel!"

And they'd believe me.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Colin Sutton)
>Subject: An Australian admires the American electors

Geoff Abrahams wrote a letter to the editor of the Sydney Morning Herald on
18 Nov:

"Not being a USAphile, I must admit a certain admiration for the American
voting public, When facing the prospect of the evil of two lessers, they
have performed the impossible and voted neither party in."

= = = = = = =
>From: (TheOldBear)
>Subject: Didn't I see this movie before?

Submitted on behalf of my 19-year-old son, who made this comment while
watching CNN "live coverage" from in front of the Palm Beach County Offices
in Florida:

"This is just like Elian Gonzales, only with Americans."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Henry Farkas)
>Subject: Bush: Our National Stepdad? [for digest]

You can't tell me what to do; you're not my real president!

= = = = = = =
>From: (rian)
>Subject: Florida slogans


FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see
us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take
I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and
we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away
>from us.
FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
And ...
PALM BEACH COUNTY: So nice, we let you vote twice.
PALM BEACH COUNTY: We put the "duh" in Florida.

Sign on I-95 : Florida this way, no that way, 5 miles,
wait, 10 miles.

= = = = = = =
>From: (John Bachman)
>Organization: MV Communications, Inc.
>Subject: Proposed change to golf rules

Heard on WRKO this morning:

Instead of yelling "Fore!" you yell "Gore!" Then you take whatever score
you want.

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