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 Following the news that a 59-year old woman has given birth, we
are pleased to announce that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the
Queen Mother (age 93) is expecting a child. Her Majesty is
naturally delighted by the success of the pioneering operation
which took some tissue from her late husband King George VI
(believed to be a scrap of fingernail found underneath the
carpet) and used it to reconstruct his DNA.

 The news does have deep constitutional implications, since, if
the child turns out to be a boy, he will be the legitimate king
of the U.K., and Queen Elizabeth will automatically abdicate in
favour of her younger brother. The new king will be discouraged
from going anywhere near journalists, portable phones, or women
called Camilla. He will also be discouraged from talking to
trees.

 When asked whether she felt that 94 would be too great an age
for her to bear a child, the Queen Mum replied, "Well you're as
young as you feel, I always say. After all I'll only be 112 when
the baby reaches adulthood, and that's no age at all.

 It is thought likely that scientists will soon be able to
reconstruct DNA patterns given far less information -- typically
the subject's name, address, date of birth and telephone number
(or possibly just even the E-mail address). This naturally will
lead to severe moral dilemmas, as women anxious for children hack
into databases looking for suitable fathers.

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