Your starship captain might be... (Mark H. Anbinder)
Memory Alpha * Ithaca New York
From the rec.humor.funny joke archives.

[Forwarded by my friend Rick; original author unknown.] Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if... - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob" - he refers to Klingons as "Critters" - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns" - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies" - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen - he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle - he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it - he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage" - he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba" - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster" - he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens - he paints the starship John Deere green - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special" - he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp" - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen" - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies - he sets phaser to "Cajun"

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