firstname.lastname@example.org (Kevin Bittick)
From the rec.humor.funny joke archives.
After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander
was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically
performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them
that Her Majesty's Army had committed to reward each of the three
soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different
parts of the man's body.
The commander addressed the first soldier, "Where would you like
to be measured, Sergeant?". "From the tip of me head to the soles
of me feet, Sir!", he replied. "Very good!", the commander said,
and the sergeant was measured at 6'5". He was paid the handsome
sum of 7000 pounds.
The second soldier was asked, "What about you, Corporal?" "Between
the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms, Sir!", the corporal
said. "Very good!", replied the commander. The corporal, a man of
considerable wingspan, was rewarded 8000 quid.
Finally, the last soldier was addressed. "And you, Private, where
would you like measured?" "From the tip of me penis to the base of
me balls, Sir!", retorted the private. The commander replied, "I must
admit this is quite an unusual request, Private, but it's your
decision." He ordered the private to drop his pants for the ensuing
measurement. Immediately the general's mouth fell agape and he
stammered, "Where in God's name are your gonads, Private?!!"
The private proclaimed, "Goose Green, Falkland Islands, Sir!!"
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