(This is an original adaptation of the "Why beer is better than women/ Why cucumbers are better than men" genre.)
Beer doesn't drool.
Beer stains wash out easier than drool.
Beer will wait patiently in the car while you play (football, etc.)
Beer is never late.
You don't have to limit yourself to bisyllabic words in discourse with beer.
Beer doesn't cry if you forget it.
Beer doesn't vote.
Beer never answers your phone.
Beer doesn't work your crossword puzzles in ink.
Beer doesn't demand to watch cartoons.
Beer won't ask loud, embarressing questions in public.
If the head's too big on your beer you can blow it off.
If the head's too small on your beer you can get another.
Beer doesn't have to be sterilized.