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Best of RHF: Computer, Science and Math Jokes

Best of RHF: Computer, Science and Math Jokes


This page contains direct links to the best jokes from the early years of rec.humor.funny. Enjoy them, but don't read them all at once.

Visit the Home Page for more jokes, or topic index page for other subjects.

Be warned that this is not a joke collection for children. If you are under 18, check with your parents before browsing these jokes.


Computer & Science Jokes

Computer & Science Jokes

This chapter contains jokes about computers, math, engineering and science. Since TeleJoke/RHF is a network of computer users, it's not surprising that there's a slant on computers there. In fact, you'll see jokes here that you just won't see elsewhere because they're for too specialized an audience.

If you're not a computer user--beware. Some of these jokes aren't going to make any sense.

Of course, they may not make sense to computer people either, but that's just part of the conspiracy.


  • Interesting software ideas (Will Hill) smirk, original
  • Poem submission (Bill Kennedy) smirk
  • A true story (Rick Lahrson) smirk
  • The real reason for the crash (Kee Hinckley) chuckle, topical
  • Microsoft (Frederick Wamsley) original, laugh, offense=Bill Gates, topical
  • Computer Salesmen (Mike Ciaraldi) smirk
  • Lunch at Hewlett Packard (Richard Sexton) chuckle
  • Future Wristwatch (Mark_Israel@uqv-mts.UUCP) chuckle
  • Tao of programming (doug@sco.UUCP) laugh
  • Humourous Quotes from Professors at UW (Math society newsletter) chuckle
  • New Languages (maxwell@ablnc.UUCP) heard it, chuckle
  • Re: song contest (Mike Godfrey) true, smirk
  • Alice in DIGITALand (rsalz@pineapple.bbn.com) funny, long
  • Selecting a Programming Language (Brian Wilson) original, chuckle, heard it
  • Mini & Micro (George Moore) sexual, chuckle
  • Sour Macs (srt@aero.UUCP) chuckle, true?
  • Computer Science Educational Breakthrough (Ross Williams) funny, original
  • Future computing newspaper (Arch Robison) original, smirk
  • Another comp.newprod reject? (Jack Morrison) original, chuckle
  • Support your dealers (ellene@microsoft.UUCP) true, chuckle
  • Computer follies (P.Robinson) funny, original
  • DP Man (Greg Gerke) rec_humor_cull, original?, smirk
  • Job Position Ad for SoulWaste (John Perry) chuckle, original
  • True Microsoft story (Frederick Wamsley) true, chuckle
  • 5th Generation (Brent C J Britton) rec_humor_cull, original, chuckle
  • That does not compute (Lee Sailer) chuckle
  • COBOL programming anyone? (Brad Broom) funny, true, original
  • How many flats did they bring? (Carl S. Gutekunst) chuckle
  • Yet another comparison joke (Michael Jordan) maybe
  • Itty Bitty Machines (Andrew Moore) chuckle
  • A fine place to work (Brent C J Britton) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
  • New software (Randy Nelson) chuckle
  • DATA statements... ("Henry_Cate_III.PA"@XEROX.COM) chuckle
  • It pays to be experienced (P.Smith) chuckle, true
  • Old one about a professional debate (edw@zps.UUCP) chuckle, heard it
  • Mathematical Language (Michael Bauers) heard it, chuckle
  • Tenne-C (Steven) heard it, funny
  • IBM Parody (Vick Khera)
  • The oldest Classic of All (Daraius Hathiram)
  • Mail and Femail (Kevyn Collins-Thompson) chuckle, true, computer
  • Lwall can't help me with this one (David Sherman) computer, true, smirk
  • AI Koans (ajs@hpfcajs.UUCP) chuckle
  • The Worm Before Christmas (David K. Bradley) topical, computer, original, chuckle
  • The POWER of RANDOM (Federico Genoese-Zerbi) true, smirk
  • Three rodents with defective visual perception (Roger Mach) heard it, chuckle
  • Coming full circle in TV technology (Jeff Hoffman) true, chuckle
  • NASA Engineers (Stephen Walton) chuckle, sexual
  • Writing a research paper (Gabe M Wiener) chuckle
  • Statisticians Joke (Chris Maltby) chuckle
  • New Punchline to old joke (Joan McGalliard) computer, funny
  • Penthouse PET (Tom Betz) highly sexual, chuckle, computer, puns
  • Rinaldo's laws of organizations (Rich Salz) chuckle
  • Decline of the Romans (Rich Salz) smirk
  • Collection of new benchmark names (Rob Adams x5527) original collection, smirk
  • An old advertisement (Rich Kulawiec) truenews, smirk
  • Addicted To Vi (Chuck Musciano) chuckle, original
  • Field Replaceable Mouse Balls (gregj@microsoft.UUCP) computer, chuckle, true
  • Drinking Philosophers (Bill Pugh) true, smirk
  • Topological joke... (Mathew) chuckle
  • Backwoods fun (Jon Singer) topical, original, chuckle
  • Quantum physics (Andrew Arensburger) original, funny
  • Another Eng/Phys/Math (Wolfgang Sohrt) chuckle, science
  • Computer Archeology (Eric Woudenberg) original, true, smirk, computer
  • G'day Mate (Pat Hirayama) chuckle, true
  • Computer terms glossary (yet another) (Alan Silverstein) computer, smirk
  • How to read electronics advertising (Josh Sirota) computer, chuckle
  • Naive User Stories (Bluegrass For Breakfast) true, funny, computer
  • Concurrency in the real world (Mark Reinhold) computer, funny
  • High Price Computer (Stephen D Hawley) true, funny, racial stereotypes, computer
  • Software development and envelopment at MIT. (greg@bosco.Berkeley.EDU) original, chuckle
  • Global Edits (Martyn Thomas) true, computer, chuckle
  • From harsh life experiences we all know that: (S. Travaglia, University of Waikato, New Zealand) swearing, chuckle
  • Have they fixed the supercomputer bug yet? (William Setzer) chuckle, science
  • Cancer in rats (Brett K. Carver) original, funny
  • Answers to the famous 'Final Exam' (Rick Prins) chuckle, original
  • Piaget's conservation experiment. (Ross Williams) science, chuckle
  • Halting Problem is Solvable (Bala Rajagopalan) computer, smirk
  • Equal time (Teemu Leisti) science, chuckle, offense=creationists
  • The very BEST wrong answer! (Mark Urban-Lurain) true, computer, smirk
  • Computer Viruses (Mike Faber) original, computer, smirk
  • Origin & use of computer languages (Alan Hargreaves) computer, smirk
  • Church and graphics systems (Jan Eric Larsson) original, computer, smirk
  • Food for thought (George Moore) heard it, funny
  • COBOL Forever (Jim Tubman) computer, funny
  • What NeXT? (Bryce Nesbitt) computer, chuckle
  • Life in user-interface Hell (Mark-Jason Dominus) computers, smirk
  • "Purity" test for programmers (hayes@psunuce.bitnet) computers, funny
  • New 3B2 emulator for the 386 (Steve Friedl, 3B2-kind-of-guy) computer, original, smirk
  • An alternate view of the universe (Stuart Freedman) computer, smirk
  • Fwd: Signed by God (Todd L. Masco) computer, chuckle, offense=devout
  • Poor Great Old Man (Mark-Jason Dominus) science, chuckle
  • Fermat's Last Flight (Matt S Wartell) chuckle, mathematics
  • Recipe for disaster (Paul Carroll) original, chuckle
  • DEC Confuser News (Stuart Freedman [x1708]) computer, chuckle
  • Happy un-valentine, dear (Fred Douglis) chuckle, computer
  • What is your favorite subatomic particle? (Joe Smith) science, chuckle
  • Incredible Scientific Discovery (Ronald S Baakkonen +1 201 949 7941) chuckle, science
  • GDB sing-along (Parody to "Doe a deer") (Lynn Slater) computer, smirk, original
  • Practical joke for UNIX users (John "The Squid" Byrd) computer, smirk
  • News from Animal Medicine (Raj Wall) chuckle, science
  • Two to one (Stefan Chakerian) science, chuckle
  • God lost Her NSF grant (Jeff Abrahamson) science, chuckle
  • How does a VLSI designer paint a living room? (ark@research.att.com) computer, chuckle
  • Parody to the tune "Doe, a deer" (Jesse M. Mundis) original, chuckle, computer
  • A new, *very* high tech computer virus (Sidney Markowitz) smirk, computer
  • Maybe this should go in comp.risks.... (Al Evans) unix, chuckle, true
  • A parable about generality in architecture (Paul A Vixie) computer, chuckle
  • What language is afoot? (Brian Pane) computer, chuckle
  • More prog. lang. Help (RAMontante) computer, smirk
  • Shoot yourself in the foot yet again. (PLS@cup.portal.com) computer, chuckle
  • Quantum theory of socks (Jonathan R. Partington) science, original, smirk
  • Billygate (Breck Witte) topical, computer, smirk
  • These strings walk into a bar (Robert Mokry) meta-joke, original, chuckle, computer
  • Schrodinger's Cat (Johan Blixt) funny, true
  • How to write a Rap/House/Disco song (Brendan Jones) computer, chuckle, offense=rapsingers
  • Another Computer Genesis (Mark E. Shoulson) computer, original, smirk
  • Referee's report on the Bible (Jonathan R. Partington) original, smirk, science
  • Machine Room Operations (Dean J. Tabor) computer, funny, chuckle
  • Self-help books (Henry Kautz) computer, chuckle
  • Adds another dimension to the story. (Hildebaby) science, chuckle
  • PC Dealer buys the farm (Andrew Fry) computer, chuckle
  • Definitions of "obvious" (They Call Me Tim) science, chuckle
  • Cover me (Yuri Rubinsky) computer, chuckle
  • New product announcement (Ian) computer, funny
  • Ode to C (Jon S. Stumpf) computer, chuckle
  • Heaven & Hell (x1708)) computer, chuckle
  • The Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI/Star Wars) (Bryce Jasmer) computer, funny
  • Bug (Lilly Spirkovska) original, computer, smirk
  • British Compaq advertisement (John Coughlin) true, funny, computer
  • New ideas in detector physics (Phillip W. Nabours) true, smirk, science
  • FET (Jinfu Chen) computer, chuckle
  • Built like a tank (6600pete@ucsbuxa.UUCP) smirk, computer
  • Why my job is sometimes frustrating (Charles H. Buchholtz) original, smirk, computer
  • Computer Scientists, Hackers and Light Bulbs (Christopher M. Whatley) smirk, computer
  • Lucky for the world... (Steve Friedl) original, computer, chuckle
  • UNC Fall '90 course corrections (Kevin Denelsbeck) original, computer, chuckle
  • Nytol for your Vax (Brendan Kehoe) computer, original, chuckle
  • Software lawsuits (tada@athena.mit.edu) computer, smirk
  • The Wonderful Thing About Standards.... (Carl S. Gutekunst) true, chuckle, computer
  • Men's minds (Charleen Bunjiovianna Stoner) computer, smirk, pun
  • Least Publishable Increment (Stan Reeves) science, chuckle, original
  • Please, no more mail about mail! (Jim Crammond) computer, smirk
  • The Red Army and ADA (luis@octopus.tds.kth.se) computer, chuckle
  • Oracle performance explained (Paul Gillingwater) computer, smirk
  • Open Lawsuit Foundation (Neil Katin) computer, chuckle
  • An analogy of Operating Systems, from Hunzeker (Paul A Vixie) computer, chuckle
  • Rec.humor.funny OS's (Ofer Inbar) computer, original, smirk
  • Stuck shift key poetry (Tom Schiavinato) computer, smirk
  • More IBM 3090/VM Humor, smirk (Chet) computer, original, funny
  • Math Purity Test (Ken "The Snake" Clubok) science, original, chuckle
  • Terms of venery (Evan Morton) pun, smirk, computer, sexual?
  • How to be a lecturer (Jonathan R. Partington) science, chuckle
  • Extended Sign-Off Mnemonics (trygve lode) computer, smirk, funny
  • NASA Public Press Release (Fubar) science, chuckle
  • The Software Development Process (DAN MILEY) chuckle, computer
  • The UNIX Philosophy (Steve Huff) heard it, computer, chuckle
  • Involuntary Attrition (Brian Scearce) funny, computer
  • My favourite things (Robert Anton Fabian) sexual, chuckle, original, computer
  • The Computer Expert's Glossary (Jeff Pesis) computer, funny
  • What You Can Do to the Bible With A Computer (Paul M Dubuc) funny, true, computer
  • Hack Scoreboard I'd Like to See (Tom Boutell) funny, computer
  • Evolution of a programmer (Dennis Lou) computer, funny, original
  • Conference announcement [original] (ark@research.att.com) true, computer, chuckle
  • Microsloshed Walls (trygve lode) computer, funny
  • NULL - The Ultimate Computer Language (John R. Andrews 6-5995) computer, chuckle, original
  • Bathroom Language (Tom Limoncelli@Drew University) computer, chuckle
  • Rules for Starfleet Programmers (Mitch Wagner) computer, funny
  • Advanced User's Guide (George MOORE) computer, chuckle
  • Logical Laws & Accurate Axioms (KT @ GENIEus) computer, funny
  • Re: UNIX jokes: Here goes... (Raymond Juimong Chen) usenet, chuckle
  • APPLE sues itself--film at 11. (David Lowry) computer, original, chuckle
  • VI manual pages (Alex Lopez-Ortiz) chuckle, computer, original
  • Deceased cows in YOUR programs (Judy Anderson) true, chuckle, computer
  • Two lions escape from the zoo. (bahn_pr%ncsd.dnet@gte.com) funny, computer
  • Change bulb in sed? (Gavin Stark) computer, smirk
  • How to coach in the computer biz (evans@decvax.dec.com) computer, chuckle
  • Three men and a car (John Mckeown) computer, chuckle
  • Secrets of the gurus (Joe) computer, chuckle
  • Changes in Perceptions (Nicholas J. Simicich) true, computer, chuckle
  • Snappy answers to uptight professors: more (Jon Livesey) true, chuckle, science
  • Cyberpunk parody (Steve Connelly) original, computer, funny
  • More Scientific Truth in Product Labels (Mark Dionne x5551) funny, science
  • Random Filter (Ken Blackman) computer, original, chuckle
  • Ritchie on Ritchie (Dennis Ritchie) computer, original, chuckle
  • Touch tone Christmas (Daniel P Dern) original, computer, chuckle
  • "Warm" Fusion in Chicken Soup (Shane D. Deichman) chuckle, science
  • ChainLetterChainLetterChainLetter... (mr. yawei) funny, computer
  • Pre-release announcement of XDOS7 (religion) (Rob Slade) original, computer, offense=religious, chuckle
  • C-{sp 2}- language (omar@pogo.gnu.ai.mit.edu) computer, chuckle
  • Computer consultants (JOKE BOY) computer, chuckle
  • Speed of a computer (davidsen@crdos1.crd.ge.com) computer, chuckle
  • New Word Order? (Stephen J. Friedl) original, pun, chuckle
  • Dealer Support by the Manufacturer? (Phil OKunewick) true, computer, chuckle
  • FOR SALE: IBM PC, DRASTICALLY REDUCED FROM PURCHASE PRICE!!!! (David Albert) true, chuckle, computer
  • A is for Apple (Douglas Spencer) original, computer, chuckle
  • Valentine letter (Stan Ivener) chuckle, computer
  • Programming pearl (Ben Pashkoff) computer, funny
  • The Ninja Master (stevec@bu-pub.bu.edu) original, computer, chuckle
  • C Compiler Errors (For Real). (A J Cunningham) computer, chuckle
  • Daffynition (T. William Wells) computer, chuckle, original
  • The computer generation (Sid Gordon, Digital Israel, EIS) computer, true, chuckle
  • Scientific Method (Paul Fuqua) science, chuckle
  • Laboratory novelties and practical jokes (Zev Winicur) original, science, funny
  • Salescritter says... (Greg Rose) true, computer
  • More OS : City comparisons (Bob Deen) computer, chuckle, original
  • The mouse who computed .... (kovar@eclectic.com) computer, chuckle
  • FW: Security news update (a-marifh@microsoft.com) true, chuckle, computer
  • Power Users (Richard Murnane) original, funny, computer
  • Quantum Mechanics (Mark Shoulson) science, chuckle
  • Re: teasing net.people (todd born) computer, chuckle
  • Lessons Learned From Comp 4 (Kevin Denelsbeck) computer, funny
  • TV Network Computer Nerds (Robert S. Coats) computer, chuckle, original
  • Orders of Magnitude (Dale Mensch) computer, chuckle, original
  • Programming Languages Are Like Women (Kenneth B. Kirksey) chuckle, computer, sexual stereotypes
  • Programming the hard way (Charles Merriam) chuckle, computer, original
  • Sunsoft quote (Alan Denney) chuckle, computer
  • Check Disclaimer for Software Purchases (Lawrence Curcio) computer, funny
  • La Boite Bleue (William A Rennie) smirk, computer
  • Hacker/Light Bulb Joke (Todd C. Gleason) computer, smirk
  • Crank Unified Theories (Todd A. Brun) original, funny
  • Electronic lovers ... (Hobson's Choice) computer, sexual, smirk
  • Software vs. silverware (Bob Kanefsky) original, computer, chuckle
  • Programmer's Drinking Song (TLS@uvmadmin.bitnet) computer, smirk, heard it
  • Programmer's model of the user (Steven.Maker@dartmouth.edu) original, computer, chuckle
  • My funny story (Libby Keenan) true, chuckle, computer
  • Train station analogy (Roger Brook) computer, chuckle, original
  • Hubble cocktail (--Arild.) chuckle, science
  • Learning Inhibitions (Don Sterk) original, chuckle, science
  • Side effect of an infinite universe (Robert Smart) chuckle, science
  • Obscure physics joke. (Nicholas Weaver) chuckle, science
  • If architects had to work like programmers... (J.David Ruggiero) funny, computers
  • Reviewspeak (Tim Wood) original, chuckle
  • Apple Announcement (Ron Reiner) funny, original, computers
  • Virus Alert: Potomac Fevers Approach Pandemic Proportions (Jason Christian) chuckle, computers
  • Customer Service (from The System Manager) (Ed Wilts) funny, heard it
  • System Problem Report Form (Bernard Hatt) chuckle, computers, original
  • Creative writing project. (Ian Horswill) original, funny, computers
  • Authority on Babies (Mikemoe) chuckle, computers
  • Meaningless Computer Names (Ben Scott) chuckle, original
  • Be the first on your block... (Christopher Lishka) chuckle, computers, original
  • They're at it again... (Name Withheld) chuckle, computers
  • Presidential E-mail Summary (mcconley@athena.mit.edu) topical, chuckle, computers, original
  • FTP xfer speed (Osiris Pedroso) chuckle, computers
  • Lost in translation (J. Jeff Roberts) original, chuckle, computers
  • Time Sheets (Leitch@biologysx.lan.nrc.ca) chuckle, work, computers
  • EMail to the Chief (Nicholas C. Weaver) topical, chuckle, computer
  • UNIX for the PC (Ernest Prabhakar) funny, computers, original
  • Grad student's checklist (blythes@cs.rpi.edu) chuckle, academia, computers
  • The Problem with HAL (Stef Jones) chuckle, computers
  • Hi-res color (Mark James) chuckle, computers
  • FOOTOS -- A Guide to Modern Operating Systems (Jeremy Elson) chuckle, computers, original
  • Motorola, Intel and a World Class IDIOT (I. Nandhra x 4567) chuckle, computers, management, long
  • But I *do* write software... (Steven King, Software Archaeologist) funny, books, computers
  • Why the Internet is Like... (Jean.Camp@brain.trust.cs.cmu.edu) original, chuckle, computers, sexual
  • Global Bus Error: Jesus coming parody (Zhahai Stewart) funny, computers
  • Brave New World - Political Division (SLINE@phs.bgsm.wfu.edu) topical, funny, election, computers
  • Transcripts from the General Motors help line (Michael Edward Chastain) original, chuckle, computers
  • Q&A: THE PENTIUM FDIV BUG (Michael Reed) topical, chuckle, computers
  • Emailing a Portrait (Michael Malone) laugh, computers
  • Gates strikes again! (Dan Zerkle) topical, chuckle, religion, computers
  • Standard Bonehead Reply Form (Eric James Ewanco) chuckle, computers
  • 50 Ways To Perplex In The Computer Lab (Eric A. Seiden) funny, computers
  • BBS User from Hell! (Jawed Karim) funny, computers
  • Computer Nightmares (Jeff Liebermann) chuckle, original, computers, true
  • Proper diskette care and usage (Keith Meidling) funny, computers
  • Electrical Engineering Purity Test (Nabeel Robert Ibrahim) chuckle, computers
  • Not by Jerry Pournelle, oh no (matt.trask@bix.com) funny, parody, computers
  • Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies (Nancy Cedeno) topical, chuckle, computers
  • Re: Possible bug? (Netbomb NoSupport) topical, chuckle, computers, ISPs, parody
  • FUN: Microsoft C++ (Jeff DeMello, Oracle Secure Systems) chuckle, computers
  • What is AOL? (Lee Ann Rucker) funny, computers
  • AOL Disks (Ronald Reiner) chuckle, computers
  • New device (Dan Beauvais) laugh, computers
  • Hi-Tech Coasters - Free! (Rich Chen) chuckle, computers
  • Win95 vs Jesus Christ (Wayne Davison) topical, chuckle, computers
  • The C++ programmer's "wedding" (Tim MacKenzie) original, funny, computers
  • Newtons' Lightbulbs (Trey Jones) chuckle
  • What you did not know about Windows 95 (fa@dat.dtu.dk) chuckle, computers
  • If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer..... (DementDJ) chuckle
  • Weird Text Filters (Wayne Hayes) chuckle, UNIX
  • Tech Support... (charles@krl.caltech.edu) funny, computers
  • Cup Holder with 4x oversampling (Ranma Saotome) smirk, computers
  • NOSMOKE.EXE (Daniel Shapiro) chuckle, computers
  • Diary of an AOL user (LA County Outdoor Science School) chuckle, Internet, offense=aol-users, forwarded
  • Now That *IS* Fast (John Jung) topical, chuckle, original, computers
  • "Look-and-feel" Lawsuit (Dave Hemming) laugh, computers
  • Labor pains (Dr. Roger M. Firestone) chuckle, chemistry
  • Service call not included (Peter A. Klein) chuckle, computers
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