| RHF Joke Archives |

This was written by "Rik" Barker <rik@mono.org> in his diary on Monochrome
bbs [www.mono.org].  Original to him, and submitted with permission.

-----

Alright, so it's hardly a current edit anymore, but I've been busy.

A few days ago, 2 (and you'll excuse me if I use the technical term)
fuck-off-big ships crashed into each other in the middle of the channel.

In fact, these 2 absolutely-stonkingly-large-how-can-you-not-notice-them
vessels impacted in the M25 of the ocean world.  The point at which all aquatic
drivers expect traffic.

The thing about boats these days is that in addition to employing at least 3
liferafts full of observers, they also have a pretty impressive array of radar
equipment.

So, a couple of ships as tall as several stacked houses, festooned with radar
equipment, awash with lookouts, crash in the middle of a flat ocean. (Let's
face it, you can say a lot of things about oceans, but hilly isn't one of
them).

As far as I can tell, this must have been either a particularly bizarre
game of chicken, or insurance fraud of the highest calibre.

If it was a game of chicken, then the captains will have started playing some
50 miles apart planning to leave it until the "very last mile" before swerving.

If (as I suspect) it was insurance fraud, then the respective captains are in
for a bit of a shock.  Clearly they've never heard of Jasper Carrott and his
amusing anecdotes taken straight from accident claim forms.

I can't wait to see how the insurance forms get filled out for this one:
"Describe in your own words, the events leading up to the incident:"

"I swerved to avoid an oncoming mackerel when the accident occurred"

"We approached the junction and threw out our anchor.  Even though I
 flashed my lights, the approaching ship remained on the wrong side of
 the sea, and hit me"

"While negotiating a particularly tricky set of waves, we became entangled
 with other shipping.  The waves were not there yesterday".

"I realised something was wrong with his steering when we were 20 miles out, I
 attempted to swerve out of the way, but by then it was too late to avoid the
 impact that resulted 45 minutes later".

"The other vessel attempted to overtake on the blind side of a wave".

I'm particularly keen to see the little drawing that has to be done at the
bottom of the page.

| RHF Joke Archives |