Mr. "Jones" is a manager in my company. During a recent discussion regarding manager training classes and their effectiveness, the following exchange took place:
> Would anybody who reports to Mr. Jones like to agree or disagree
> that he's a better manager now?
Mr. Jones has been my manager for quite some time now, and I speak for every member of my team when I say that he has become a shining beacon of competence because of this management training. Of course that's not to say that he needed improvement, for he has always been possessed of an incomparable synergy; but since all those long days when he'd go to the beach for management training while the rest of us stayed at work, we could not help but note that his shifts have become increasingly paradigm, and his values are now undeniably core.
I would also like to add that I am unaware of any case in which Mr. Jones has brandished any amount of rubber hose, sturdy or otherwise, in a threatening manner at his coworkers. It is not true that his direct reports are required to wear underwear with metal eyelets in the back of the waistband "for carabiners." Although it is true that he has on occasion settled disagreements with the words, "do we need to ask Mr. Hose," that's merely a harmless reference to an inside joke among his direct reports rather than the thinly-veiled threat of some dire punishment, as is alleged by outsiders who are unfamiliar with Mr. Jones' management techniques. What those people overlook is the astonishing speed with which he is able to resolve disagreements within his team. In this light, it seems silly to be concerned over the highly emotional and frequently tearful response of his team members to any outsider who casually tells them, "you're hosed!" Furthermore, contrary to my detailed and well-documented complaints to my HR representative, I wish to make it clear that it is not the case that Mr. Jones has on more than one occasion played the Lawnmower Deth song "Illinois Enema Bandit" while staring at me and grinning. I would further like to add that Mr. Jones is the best manager I've ever had, and as I write this, he is absolutely not standing behind me, slapping a length of sturdy rubber hose into his palm like a billy club.
Thank you. Please send help.
[Note - Original by a coworker, Rusty Ballinger. Submitted with permission.]