[I was taking a shot cut to the NICU one night (I'm a neonatologist) when a buddy of mine working nights in the ER handed this to me. I have no idea where it originated] ( A word to any who might be offended by this - working in any high-stress environment where life and death decisions are a matter of hourly routine requires the development of a sense of humor to deal with it. If you're offended anyway, then I'm sorry, and hope the spray planes arrive soon) YOU MIGHT BE AN ER PHYSICIAN/NURSE IF....... 1 - you believe 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm. 2 - discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. 3 - you believe a good tape job will fix anything. 4 - you have the bladder capacity of five normal people. 5 - you can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio. 6 - your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change. 7 - you find humor in other people's stupidity. 8 - you believe in aerial spraying of Prozac. 9 - you disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see. 10- you have your weekends off planned a year in advance. 11- when a patient presents with a list of medicine allergies you automatically assume they are a drug seeker or a patient of Dr. Solotkin. 12- your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose restraint. 13- you encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer. 14- you believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis. 15- you believe the govt should require a permit to reproduce. 16- you plan your dinner while performing gastric lavage. 17- you believe that "Ask-A-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan. 18- you believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" us uttered. 19- you refer to Friday as "Dump Day". 20- your diet consists of food that has undergone more processing than most computers. 21- you believe chocolate is a food group. 22- when someone calls you a bastard, you take it as a compliment. 23- when you are out in public you compliment a complete stranger on their good veins. 24- you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit". 25- you don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate. 26- you have ever referred to someones death as a "Celestial Discharge". 27- you have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call (See "Ask-A-Nurse" above.) 28- you refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf". 29- your idea of a really good time is Duelling Shock Rooms. 30- you have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide... Getting it right". 31- you believe that "Too Stupid to Live" should be a diagnosis. 32- you have ever had to leave a patients room before you began laughing uncontrollably.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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