Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Internet News Flash (Andrew Darling)
(topical, smirk)

This is an Internet News Service news bulletin:

			Top Story: TWA Flight 800

Still no conclusive evidence has been found in the wreckage of TWA flight
800.  Crash investigators have been analyzing recovered wreckage from the
crash since the plane went down off the coast of Long Island last Wednesday. 
The cause of the crash is still uncertain, for while chemical residues found
on the wreckage suggest explosives, this is the coast of Long Island we're
talking about, where unusual chemical compounds roam free and even the sea
gulls are flammable.  

Thus, for the moment, the FBI is taking a back seat and allowing the National 
Transportation Safety Board to run the investigation. At a press conference 
Monday evening, vice-chairman of the NTSB Robert Francis reviewed the 
progress of the recovery effort,"We're particularly delighted because we
recovered some of the victims, and we have the prospect of even more." 
'Delighted?'  A macabre bunch, those Transportation Safety Board folks.  I'd 
recommend avoiding their barbecues.

In other news, Bob olDe (sorry, typo) celebrated his 73rd birthday in
Dearborn, Michigan with friends at Sarah's Circle, a housing center for
low-income seniors.  Mr. olDe (darn this keyboard) used the added press
coverage today to continue his presidential campaign, pausing only briefly
in his speech to blow out the candles on his ornately flowered cake.  
Miraculously, former Senator olDe (that's it; I'm switching terminals) 
managed to put out the blaze, though it had already been classified as the 
third largest brushfire in Michigan history.

News Flash:  Generallissimo Francisco Franco is still at Microsoft.    

In Olympic news, Atlanta security has been thrown for a loop.  While they've
done okay in keeping weapons out of the stadium and restricting the drugs to
the playing field, they were totally unprepared for the actions of the
British women's rowing team.  The women rowers, upset over poor transportation
to and from events, commandeered a bus intended for a hockey event.  Here's a
little financial tip.  Bet against the hockey team that got ousted from that

Actor Robert Downey Jr. sat in front of a judge concerning his third arrest
in the space of a month.  On June 23rd, the Oscar nominee for "Chaplin" was
arrested for possession of crack, heroin, and an unlicensed .357 magnum. 
Last week, he was arrested again for trespassing into a neighbor's house and
passing out in a child's bed there.  On Saturday, Rolling Stone's Hottest
Actor of 1988 was apprehended yet again for walking away from a
court-ordered drug program.  According to Deputy District attorney Ellen
Aragon,"Mr. Downey's obviously having a bad month."  Well, all things
considered, if anyone in prison has seen that issue of Rolling Stone,
next month ain't lookin' any prettier.

On the health front, a viral infection which has been known to make cats
lethargic has been found in human beings.  While it is unknown whether this
infection is directly related to such maladies as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,
research is currently under...wait a minute.  A virus that MAKES cats
lethargic?  Perhaps it is related to the virus that causes uncontrolled
duplicity in politicians, or the one responsible for construction worker
lewdness syndrome.  Who knows, Maybe if they stare into the microscope long
enough, they'll isolate the bacterium that makes columnists cynical.

This has been an Internet News Update, staff writer Miles Kilgore reporting

*  The Internet News Service can be found on the World Wide Web at

*  Distribution of the Internet News Flash is permitted if you first contact
Miles Kilgore at

*  If you wish to subscribe to the Internet News Service mailing list or
have your name removed, please write and
include your E-mail address in the main text of your message.         

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search