This is an Internet News Service news bulletin: Top Story: TWA Flight 800 Still no conclusive evidence has been found in the wreckage of TWA flight 800. Crash investigators have been analyzing recovered wreckage from the crash since the plane went down off the coast of Long Island last Wednesday. The cause of the crash is still uncertain, for while chemical residues found on the wreckage suggest explosives, this is the coast of Long Island we're talking about, where unusual chemical compounds roam free and even the sea gulls are flammable. Thus, for the moment, the FBI is taking a back seat and allowing the National Transportation Safety Board to run the investigation. At a press conference Monday evening, vice-chairman of the NTSB Robert Francis reviewed the progress of the recovery effort,"We're particularly delighted because we recovered some of the victims, and we have the prospect of even more." 'Delighted?' A macabre bunch, those Transportation Safety Board folks. I'd recommend avoiding their barbecues. In other news, Bob olDe (sorry, typo) celebrated his 73rd birthday in Dearborn, Michigan with friends at Sarah's Circle, a housing center for low-income seniors. Mr. olDe (darn this keyboard) used the added press coverage today to continue his presidential campaign, pausing only briefly in his speech to blow out the candles on his ornately flowered cake. Miraculously, former Senator olDe (that's it; I'm switching terminals) managed to put out the blaze, though it had already been classified as the third largest brushfire in Michigan history. News Flash: Generallissimo Francisco Franco is still at Microsoft. In Olympic news, Atlanta security has been thrown for a loop. While they've done okay in keeping weapons out of the stadium and restricting the drugs to the playing field, they were totally unprepared for the actions of the British women's rowing team. The women rowers, upset over poor transportation to and from events, commandeered a bus intended for a hockey event. Here's a little financial tip. Bet against the hockey team that got ousted from that bus. Actor Robert Downey Jr. sat in front of a judge concerning his third arrest in the space of a month. On June 23rd, the Oscar nominee for "Chaplin" was arrested for possession of crack, heroin, and an unlicensed .357 magnum. Last week, he was arrested again for trespassing into a neighbor's house and passing out in a child's bed there. On Saturday, Rolling Stone's Hottest Actor of 1988 was apprehended yet again for walking away from a court-ordered drug program. According to Deputy District attorney Ellen Aragon,"Mr. Downey's obviously having a bad month." Well, all things considered, if anyone in prison has seen that issue of Rolling Stone, next month ain't lookin' any prettier. On the health front, a viral infection which has been known to make cats lethargic has been found in human beings. While it is unknown whether this infection is directly related to such maladies as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, research is currently under...wait a minute. A virus that MAKES cats lethargic? Perhaps it is related to the virus that causes uncontrolled duplicity in politicians, or the one responsible for construction worker lewdness syndrome. Who knows, Maybe if they stare into the microscope long enough, they'll isolate the bacterium that makes columnists cynical. This has been an Internet News Update, staff writer Miles Kilgore reporting * The Internet News Service can be found on the World Wide Web at html://www.rit.edu/~tjg2946/ins.html * Distribution of the Internet News Flash is permitted if you first contact Miles Kilgore at email@example.com * If you wish to subscribe to the Internet News Service mailing list or have your name removed, please write firstname.lastname@example.org and include your E-mail address in the main text of your message.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)