Taken from a thread in rec.arts.sf.written. Subject: You know those aliens live a long time when ... David Mitchell <email@example.com> * They say, "It sure does smell less now those dinosaurs have gone." * One of them apologises for the dinosaurs, and asks for his iridium back. Joachim Verhagen <J.C.D.Verhagen@fys.ruu.nl> * You know they really live a long time, if they ask, where all that nasty oxygen came from. firstname.lastname@example.org (Beth and Richard Treitel) * You show one of them your copy of 2001 and he starts rambling on about the debates that took place in Congress over where exactly the Monolith should be buried. * ... you're not allowed in their taverns because you're under the legal drinking age ... and you're sixty years old. But it's nothing personal. Your species is under the legal age for being considered able to handle alcohol. (With good reason IMHO.) email@example.com (Andrew Plotkin) * When they take vacations by chartered continental drift. firstname.lastname@example.org (Christopher Du Puis) * ... if they complain that "the speed of light just isn't what it used to be" on their way back to their neoghborhood kugelblitz. email@example.com (Justin Fang) * "These kids today, they don't know how lucky they are. Why, when I was young we didn't have any of these newfangled heavy elements like carbon and nitrogen. We had to evolve out of hydrogen and helium and we liked it!" "You think that's hard? We just had a proton-electron plasma." "Bah! You had *protons*? We would have considered that a great luxury! If we wanted a proton we had to put it together ourselves out of quarks! And if you let it go for just a moment to make another one, some other particle would come along and knock it apart and you'd have to start all over again!" Mister Skin <firstname.lastname@example.org> * You go mountain climbing with them and they say, "You know, last time I was here, this was a beachfront condo." * While you're out on the back porch guzzling beer with them and watching the old bug zapper in action, they say, "You know, last time we came by, we didn't have any use for them things." * They say, "We taught George Burns how to shave." * The watch a Michael Jackson video and say, "Last time we visited here, people who looked like that got embalmed and placed in a sarcophagus." * They look around and say, "This place certainly has livened up since it went multicellular." email@example.com * They complain about how things have got run down since the Big Bang.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)